relationships (Proverbs 27:1-27) Working on Ourselves Impacts Others

(Proverbs 27:1-27)

1   Do not boast about tomorrow,
     For you do not know what a day may bring.
2   Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
     A stranger, and not your own lips.
3   A stone is heavy and the sand weighty,
     But the provocation of a fool is heavier than both of them.
4   Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood,
     But who can stand before jealousy?
5   Better is open rebuke 
     Than love that is concealed.
6   Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
     But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
7   A satisfied person despises honey,
     But to a hungry person any bitter thing is sweet.
8   Like a bird that wanders from its nest,
     So is a person who wanders from his home.
9   Oil and perfume make the heart glad,
     And a person’s advice is sweet to his friend.
10 Do not abandon your friend or your father’s friend,
     And do not go to your brother’s house on the day of your disaster;
     Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.
11 Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad,
     So that I may reply to one who taunts me.
12 A prudent person sees evil and hides himself;
     But the naive proceed, and pay the penalty.
13 Take his garment when he becomes a guarantor for a stranger;
     And for a foreign woman seize a pledge from him.
14 One who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning,
     It will be considered a curse to him.
15 A constant dripping on a day of steady rain 
     And a contentious woman are alike;
16 He who would restrain her restrains the wind,
     And grasps oil with his right hand.
17 As iron sharpens iron,
     So one person sharpens another.
18 One who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit,
     And one who cares for his master will be honored.
19 As in water a face reflects the face,
     So the heart of a person reflects the person.
20 Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied,
     Nor are the eyes of a person ever satisfied.
21 The crucible is for silver and the furnace for gold,
     And each is tested by the praise accorded him.
22 Though you pound the fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain,
     His foolishness still will not leave him.

23 Know well the condition of your flocks,
     And pay attention to your herds;
24 For riches are not forever,
     Nor does a crown endure to all generations.
25 When the grass disappears, the new growth is seen,
     And the herbs of the mountains are gathered in,
26 The lambs will be for your clothing,
     And the goats will bring the price of a field,
27 And there will be enough goats’ milk for your food,
     For the food of your household,
     And sustenance for your attendants.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

Bragging about anything is not a good look, but if we brag about something that hasn't even happened yet, we only look foolish if and when it doesn't happen.  And provoking people also is not a good look.  Not only will people think we are unwise, but they will try to avoid us.  That, or they will pick up the fight and create even more of a disturbance to everyone in the vicinity.  But this behavior is obviously wrong to us and others.  Jealousy is more subtle, but just as dangerous.  And even when we are striving to be a better person, it is easy for these things to creep into our lives.

Having close acquaintances with foolish people will only help bring us down further.  Whoever is close to us, will have a very real impact on our own reputation.  Therefore, it is best to avoid evil.  Having close acquaintances and friendships with those who are faithful believers will edify us.  For iron to sharpen iron, means that these two elements must be, not just in close proximity, but they must be touching.  In other words, for us to be able to give constructive feedback to others, we really need to know each other enough to have gained trust and respect.

It is very beneficial for us to be open to criticism.  Even if it isn't delivered nicely, we can still learn from it.  And we do need to be open about our love for others, especially toward our family members and friends.  I try to tell my spouse that I love him at least once a day.  Same thing for when our kids were still living in the house!  Now, whenever I see them or speak to them, I still tell them.  It's not like this type of message will ever get old!  This is something that makes a person feel secure, appreciated and encouraged.  So when we find ourselves in the midst of trouble, it is always best to go to a person who is close to us and cares deeply.

Now, we must beware of the affections from those who don't mean well.  Especially, for example, when you are single and someone is paying special attention to you, before falling for their flattery and kind words, get to know them first.  If you are a believer, make sure that they are a solid believer with good intentions.  Do not be desperate!  It helps to have a very strong relationship with the Lord, because it is only Jesus who can satisfy and complete us.  Never think that another person is going to fill that void.  And when you do meet someone who also has a strong relationship with the Lord, you know that they will be a faithful person with integrity.  

As well, never think that you can change someone once you are married.  If, for example, a person is argumentative and intent on always getting their own way, this will not change.  In fact, it will only get worse.  Only God can change that person - but - only if that person desires to allow God to transform them.  Therefore, when dating, if anyone doesn't quite fit your walk with God, this is not the person you should marry.  Yes, your heart might need some healing when you break it off, but it is way better than getting married and then divorced, or suffering through years and years of misery.  Much better to be single and happy, than married and unhappy.

What a person does and says, reflects what is in their heart.  So, for those with Jesus in our hearts and in our lives, Jesus will be reflected in all areas:  at home, church, school, work, and out in the world.  This in itself is a great reward, because only the Lord can satisfy us with purpose and fulfillment.  And we can rely on Him for everything, doing all things in His strength and wisdom.

We are not to boast about tomorrow, but we are to plan and prepare.  In working hard and being wise with our time and resources honors the Lord.  In fact, the only thing we should boast about is the Lord, and what He has done, is doing and will do in our lives!  We do not know what the future holds, but we can have faith in Him to provide for us.  And when we have plans or are given plans that are in God's will, He will make sure that these happen.

relationships (Proverbs 26:1-28) Discerning Integrity vs Foolish Contentions

(Proverbs 26:1-28)

1   Like snow in summer and like rain in harvest,
     So honor is not fitting for a fool.
2   Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying,
     So a curse without cause does not come to rest.
3   A whip is for the horse, a bridle for the donkey,
     And a rod for the back of fools.
4   Do not answer a fool according to his foolishness,
     Or you will also be like him.
5   Answer a fool as his foolishness deserves,
     So that he will not be wise in his own eyes.
6   One who sends a message by the hand of a fool 
     Chops off his own feet and drinks violence.
7   Like useless legs to one who cannot walk,
     So is a proverb in the mouths of fools.
8   Like one who binds a stone in a sling,
     So is one who gives honor to a fool.
9   Like a thorn that sticks in the hand of a heavy drinker,
     So is a proverb in the mouths of fools.
10 Like an archer who wounds everyone,
     So is one who hires a fool or hires those who pass by.
11 Like a dog that returns to its vomit,
     So is a fool who repeats his foolishness.
12 Do you see a person wise in his own eyes?
     There is more hope for a fool than for him.
13 A lazy one says, “There is a lion on the road!
     A lion is in the public square!”
14 As the door turns on its hinges,
     So does a lazy one on his bed.
15 A lazy one buries his hand in the dish;
     He is weary of bringing it to his mouth again.
16 A lazy one is wiser in his own eyes 
     Than seven people who can give a discreet answer.
17 Like one who takes a dog by the ears,
     So is one who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him.
18 Like a maniac who shoots 
     Flaming arrows, arrows, and death,
19 So is a person who deceives his neighbor,
     And says, “Was I not joking?”
20 For lack of wood the fire goes out,
     And where there is no gossiper, quarreling quiets down.
21 Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire,
     So is a contentious person to kindle strife.
22 The words of a gossiper are like dainty morsels,
     And they go down into the innermost parts of the body.
23 Like an earthenware vessel overlaid with silver impurities 
     Are burning lips and a wicked heart.
24 One who hates disguises it with his lips,
     But he harbors deceit in his heart.
25 When he speaks graciously, do not believe him,
     Because there are seven abominations in his heart.
26 Though his hatred covers itself with deception,
     His wickedness will be revealed in the assembly.
27 One who digs a pit will fall into it,
     And one who rolls a stone, it will come back on him.
28 A lying tongue hates those it crushes,
     And a flattering mouth works ruin.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

We have to be careful to whom we give or ascribe honor.  If we honor someone or something foolish, then we will be seen as part of that foolishness.  Among the group of fools, we might feel all smart and sure, but this will not be our reputation among others.  The same goes for whom or what we discredit.  Even if the popular rhetoric of the day sounds like it makes sense, we really need to take a careful look at what is true and what is false.

When we don't have complete visibility to what is all actually happening behind the scenes, it is best to withhold opinions, whether they are the opinions of others or your own personal opinions.  Sure, we can speculate, but we cannot speculate with confidence that we are correct.  We can carefully look at the facts, but understand that we don't have all the facts.  But we can pray for the situation as well as our own discernment.  Definitely, we can look at the absolute truth found in God's word!

Equipping ourselves with the Lord's wisdom will enable us to figure out the best way to navigate through a conversation or someone's idealism.  If what a person is saying sounds hateful or condescending towards any person or group of people, we can stand up for what is just, even if it is to just say something like, "We don't have enough information or proof to even be speaking that way."  Or, "From what I have seen and read, what you are saying does not make sense."  Then, know that this person cannot be trusted to pass along any sort of message to anyone.  If they are distorting things in order to favor their personal preferences or agendas, they will distort anything you tell them.   

Whether we are told that we can or cannot trust someone, we are to believe the best in people, but this doesn't mean that we should completely trust them right at the start.  We really should get to know someone well enough before we hire them, or before we make them a close friend and confide in them.  It usually doesn't take too long to see if they have integrity or not.  If a person tends to lie, it's not like they are just going to stop lying.  If a person has hate, even though they will try to disguise it, it will become evident soon enough.  If a person loves to flatter, do not let that go to our head, because this may be a method to manipulate.  

The one with integrity will be the one who makes a mistake, but soon confesses it with true remorse.  The one who doesn't act like they know everything will be the one who is more trustworthy and willing to learn and develop better skills.  The one who is not too proud to quickly do tasks that may seem beneath them is the one who will work hard with a servant attitude.  The one who avoids getting in the middle of other people's quarrels is the one who is discerning.

It is so refreshing and peaceful to be around people of integrity.  As soon as there is a person who gossips and is stirring the pot, there will be distrust, dislike, divisions, and hurt feelings.  And as soon as there is someone who loves to debate and argue to win, whether it is just to try to prove how smart they are or whether they have some sort of agenda and is trying to get everyone to agree with them, there is going to be discord.

As believers, we can overcome these sinful behaviors by confessing them, and then get to exercising God's love and compassion.  It is in His strength that we can apply the golden rule, to treat others as we want to be treated.  As well, we can ask God for wisdom and discernment in and for all situations.  Then, we can be aware of lies, deceptions and disguises, and know who and what to avoid.  We can ask the Lord for the right words to say at the right time, knowing that just because something is true, we don't always need to say it, or there will be a better time and a better way to say it.  And always, we are reminded to remain humble, calm and discreet, while trusting in the Lord's righteousness.  In Him, we will find a peaceful, joyful refuge.

relationships (Proverbs 25:1-28) Free to Learn

(Proverbs 25:1-28)

These also are proverbs of Solomon which the men of Hezekiah, king of Judah, transcribed.

2   It is the glory of God to conceal a matter,
     But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.
3   As the heavens for height and the earth for depth,
     So the heart of kings is unsearchable.
4   Take away the impurities from the silver,
     And there comes out a vessel for the smith;
5   Take away the wicked before the king,
     And his throne will be established in righteousness.
6   Do not boast in the presence of the king,
     And do not stand in the same place as great people;
7   For it is better that it be said to you, “Come up here,”
     Than for you to be placed lower in the presence of the prince,
     Whom your eyes have seen.

8   Do not go out hastily to argue your case;
     Otherwise, what will you do in the end,
     When your neighbor humiliates you?
9   Argue your case with your neighbor,
     And do not reveal the secret of another,
10 Or one who hears it will put you to shame,
     And the evil report about you will not pass away.

11 Like apples of gold in settings of silver,
     Is a word spoken at the proper time.
12 Like an earring of gold and a jewelry piece of fine gold,
     Is a wise person who offers rebukes to a listening ear.
13 Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest 
     Is a faithful messenger to those who send him,
     For he refreshes the soul of his masters.
14 Like clouds and wind without rain 
     Is a person who boasts of his gifts falsely.
15 Through patience a ruler may be persuaded,
     And a gentle tongue breaks bone.
16 Have you found honey? Eat only what you need,
     So that you do not have it in excess and vomit it.
17 Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor’s house,
     Or he will become weary of you and hate you.
18 Like a club, a sword, and a sharp arrow 
     Is a person who gives false testimony against his neighbor.
19 Like a bad tooth and an unsteady foot 
     Is confidence in a treacherous person in time of trouble.
20 Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda,
     Is one who sings songs to a troubled heart.
21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
     And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
22 For you will heap burning coals on his head,
     And the Lord will reward you.
23 The north wind brings rain,
     And a gossiping tongue brings an angry face.
24 It is better to live on a corner of the roof,
     Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
25 Like cold water to a weary soul,
     So is good news from a distant land.
26 Like a trampled spring and a polluted well,
     So is a righteous person who gives way before the wicked.
27 It is not good to eat much honey,
     Nor is it glory to search out one’s own glory.
28 Like a city that is broken into and without walls 
     So is a person who has no self-control over his spirit.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

Verses 1 to 5 describe the Lord's salvation and the only way for any of us to live in righteousness.  To have a personal relationship with Jesus begins with us repenting of our sins and accepting His forgiveness and His gift of eternal life.  And in that very moment, He seals us with His indwelling Holy Spirit and covers us with His righteousness.  Although we cannot lose our salvation, we will still struggle with sin.

Therefore, just like with any other relationship, we still need to work on our relationship with the Lord.  Like with any other relationship, there needs to be communication, both ways.  Not only do we have the Holy Spirit within us, guiding and prompting us, but we have God's words written down for us, to read, study, and learn from.  Everything we could possible need to know about life is in the Bible.  And God wants to hear from us, everyday, all the time.  We can and are to talk to Him about everything, because He wants to be involved in our lives.

Another way to, not just work on our relationship with the Lord, but improve our quality of life, is to continuously search out matters to see if they are within God's will... to see if they are right or wrong for our lives.  We also need to continuously search out our hearts, so that when we find any sin, we can immediately confess.  

When anyone apologizes, and even if someone has not apologized for hurting us, it is good to forgive them as soon as possible.  Obviously, with the Lord, He has already forgiven us of all our sins, and chooses to remember them no more.  So when we get to heaven, He will judge us according to our good deeds done with pure motives (done in His strength and righteousness, all to His glory).  

Meanwhile, when we sin, the Lord God, as our loving heavenly Father who cares for us deeply, will discipline us.  He will allow consequences into our lives.  The Lord could and can prevent some things from happening, and protect us in a bigger way than we realize, especially once we confess and get back to doing the right thing.  But there are still some consequences that will happen due to wrong behavior.  

Here are some examples.  If we have gossiped about someone and they find out, they will be angry, and we will have to deal with that.  And they will probably tell others not to trust us.  Our reputation will take a hit, and we will have to be wise about moving forward in order to mend broken relationship/s.  But it helps to get to the heart of this issue as soon as possible, which is to realize that it is usually jealousy that prompts us to gossip in the first place.  When we confess the sin of jealousy, we can get back to being content in the Lord.

If we are contentious, the people around us will become tired, miserable and angry, and will either fight back or try to avoid us.  This is especially difficult in a marriage due to close proximity and this being the closest of ties one can have with any person.  We need to get to the heart of this issue and realize that our selfishness is driving us to fight and argue in order to get our own way in things.  We need to confess our selfishness so that we can start working together, in love and unity.

If we go to the wrong person for advice and help when we find ourselves in trouble, this will only add to our troubles.  If we have established good relationships with solid Christians, why distance ourselves from them?  They are the ones who will have the better advice.  Yes, they might tell us what we don't want to hear, but they will tell us what we need to hear.  So it helps to get to the heart of this by realizing that it is pride and arrogance that keeps us away from God and His children.  That, or we are being too weak and allowing others to direct our paths.  When we confess our pride and weakness, we can go back to seeking out the Lord for His strength and direction.

One of the keys to maintaining a healthy walk with the Lord, is to remain humble.  This is to realize that our strength and wisdom is nothing compared to the Lords, and that we need His help and guidance in all things, and to understand that He is in control so that we can then allow Him to be in control of our lives.  This isn't a do-it-once-and-then-we're-good-kind-of-thing, God wants us to do this daily.  In this way we will remain in touch with Him, and maintain our humility.  In this way, we will avoid many possible consequences and embarrassing moments among people.  

Also beneficial, is to seek out the Lord's wisdom in all matters, and then apply it.  This doesn't mean that we show off and spout out everything we know.  Part of God's wisdom includes having self-control, being a good listener, knowing when to keep silent, and praying that God gives us the right words to say, at the right time.  Anything we do say, should be constructive, edifying and/or encouraging, and always in God's love and patience.  And part of God's wisdom tells us that we should not hold grudges.  In fact, we are to still love our enemies, giving them food if they are hungry, and water if they are thirsty.  Even if this doesn't convert them, they will be less likely to continue in their retaliation.

Another part of God's wisdom to remember is "life in moderation", which is another level of self-control.  Like if we are invited to anyone's house, we should not overstay our welcome.  Or even just stopping to chat with anyone, we need to know when to end the conversation.  As well, whether we are eating at home or somewhere else, we should not overeat.  Not only is it unhealthy, but it doesn't present us in a good light.

Now, this is critical to hear, God doesn't want us to beat ourselves up when we mess up.  He wants us to keep coming back to Him, so that in His loving grace, He can continue healing us, comforting us, strengthening us, and transforming us from the inside out!  He has set us free from sin and death, so that we can freely live in His righteousness and know that He will take care of us.  And in His strength and wisdom, we can nurture better relationships with those around us, and live peacefully and joyously.

relationships (Proverbs 24:1-34) Benefits of Wisdom

(Proverbs 24:1-34)

1   Do not be envious of evil people,
     Nor desire to be with them;
2   For their minds plot violence,
     And their lips talk of trouble.

3   By wisdom a house is built,
     And by understanding it is established;
4   And by knowledge the rooms are filled 
     With all precious and pleasant riches.

5   A wise man is strong,
     And a person of knowledge increases power.
6   For by wise guidance you will wage war,
     And in an abundance of counselors there is victory.

7   Wisdom is too exalted for a fool,
     He does not open his mouth at the gate.

8   One who plans to do evil,
     People will call a schemer.
9   The devising of foolishness is sin,
     And the scoffer is an abomination to humanity.

10 If you show yourself lacking courage on the day of distress,
     Your strength is meager.

11 Rescue those who are being taken away to death,
     And those who are staggering to the slaughter, Oh hold them back!
12 If you say, “See, we did not know this,”
     Does He who weighs the hearts not consider it?
     And does He who watches over your soul not know it?
     And will He not repay a person according to his work?

13 My son, eat honey, for it is good;
     Yes, the honey from the comb is sweet to your taste;
14 Know that wisdom is the same for your soul;
     If you find it, then there will be a future,
     And your hope will not be cut off.

15 Do not lie in ambush, you wicked person, against the home of the righteous;
     Do not destroy his resting place;
16 For a righteous person falls seven times and rises again,
     But the wicked stumble in time of disaster.

17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
     And do not let your heart rejoice when he stumbles,
18 Otherwise, the Lord will see and be displeased,
     And turn His anger away from him.

19 Do not get upset because of evildoers 
     Or be envious of the wicked;
20 For there will be no future for the evil person;
     The lamp of the wicked will be put out.

21 My son, fear the Lord and the king;
     Do not get involved with those of high rank,
22 For their disaster will rise suddenly,
     And who knows the ruin that can come from both of them?

23 These also are sayings of the wise:
     To show partiality in judgment is not good.
24 One who says to the wicked, “You are righteous,”
     Peoples will curse him, nations will scold him;
25 But for those who rebuke the wicked there will be delight,
     And a good blessing will come upon them.
26 One who gives a right answer 
     Kisses the lips.

27 Prepare your work outside,
     And make it ready for yourself in the field;
     Afterward, then, build your house.

28 Do not be a witness against your neighbor for no reason,
     And do not deceive with your lips.
29 Do not say, “I shall do the same to him as he has done to me;
     I will repay the person according to his work.”

30 I passed by the field of a lazy one,
     And by the vineyard of a person lacking sense,
31 And behold, it was completely overgrown with weeds;
     Its surface was covered with weeds,
     And its stone wall was broken down.
32 When I saw, I reflected upon it;
     I looked, and received instruction.
33 “A little sleep, a little slumber,
     A little folding of the hands to rest,”
34 Then your poverty will come like a drifter,
     And your need like an armed man.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

The only way to an eternally secure, joy-filled life is having a close, personal relationship with the Lord.  And to know Him better, as well as to gain and know essential wisdom, knowledge and understanding, we need to be reading His word.  How can we exercise wisdom if we do not have it.  And if we do not know and understand truth, we become vulnerable to the lies and schemes of this world.  Therefore, wisdom and knowledge is power, especially when we are empowered and guided by the Holy Spirit, as we navigate living in a fallen, broken world.

We are not to desire relationships with evil people, or favor them over others, or desire to have what they have, because nothing good will come out of these things.  In fact, one will somehow get wrapped up in their crimes and troubles, which can lead us to falsely accusing innocent people.  Criminals will do what they need to do in order to get away with their crimes.  

Meanwhile, we are not to fear them, because the Lord is more powerful than all powers put together.  Even when someone hurts us, we are to leave revenge to the Lord.  We are not even to let them upset us, because we are to look to the Lord for our answers and solutions.  

We are also never to be happy when an enemy falls or stumbles, because, in fact, we are to love our enemies and pray for them.  This doesn't mean that they should not pay for their crimes, and in that we should be on the side of justice.  But still, the Lord even asks that we spread the gospel message to others who are trapped in sin and are dying.  And because He asks us to do this, when we are relying on Him for everything, He will provide the opportunities, He will provide the protection, strength and the courage, and He will provide the right words to say.

Practically speaking, we should also use wisdom, knowledge and understanding to establish our careers and our homes.  Without these things guiding us, we make ourselves vulnerable, even more so in our technological world.  With so many scam artists, it is very beneficial to find people we can trust to advise and help us.  Therefore, it is important to find a doctrinally solid church, so that we have a community of people who are all about God's love and truth.  God has created us as social beings and knows that we need healthy relationships.  We need other believers in our lives who encourage us to continue striving towards what is most important... keeping our eyes on the Lord who has a much better way and purpose for us!

relationships (Proverbs 23:10-16, 22-26) Looking After the Children

(Proverbs 23:10-16, 22-26)

10 Do not move the ancient boundary 
     Or go into the fields of the fatherless,
11 For their Redeemer is strong;
     He will plead their case against you.
12 Apply your heart to discipline,
     And your ears to words of knowledge.

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
     Though you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
14 You shall strike him with the rod 
     And rescue his soul from Sheol.

15 My son, if your heart is wise,
     My own heart also will be glad,
16 And my innermost being will rejoice 

     When your lips speak what is right.

...

22 Listen to your father, who fathered you,
     And do not despise your mother when she is old.
23 Buy truth, and do not sell it,

     Get wisdom, instruction, and understanding.

24 The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice,
     And he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.
25 Let your father and your mother be glad,

     And let her rejoice who gave birth to you.

26 Give me your heart, my son,
     And let your eyes delight in my ways.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

These verses are not just for parents.  Every person's words and actions will impact the children that are around them.  And while every person might not be a parent, every person is a child.  And every child longs to have a loving, peaceful family life.  But children do not have the answers... the adults do.  

Therefore, it is up to the adults, the parents, to patiently and lovingly be teaching them what is right and wrong, and what works and what doesn't work.  We should teach them the importance of respecting parents and authority.  And we ourselves should live in such a way that it is easy for a child to respect parents and authority.  We should teach them the value of having a personal relationship with the Lord, and how valuable it is to become knowledgeable and trust in God's wisdom, so that they can get along in the world, and grow up to have a loving, peaceful life.

As believers, we are called to look out for orphans, and any child that is vulnerable, in trouble, or in danger.  And as verse 11 says, the Lord sees and knows everything, and He will judge will allow consequences into the lives of those who mistreat any child.  What is extra sad is that many children who are molested and/or abused (whether physically, verbally, emotionally, and even spiritually) will often become the abusers.  What happens in their own little lives is bad enough, but by allowing injustices to happen is not just hurting that child, but possibly far more in the future.

I'm going to dare say it.  Right now in North America, there is a trend where people are showing compassion and protecting the criminals, and not the victims, and then, hating those who are trying to protect the victims and stand up for justice.  Our countries need so much prayer!!!  And hating people (even the criminals) is not the answer.  Hating others only adds to the hate.  It doesn't help the situation.  But let us clearly understand that catching, prosecuting and punishing criminals is not an act of hate.  That is part of carrying out justice.  We can still love the criminals, while carrying out justice.

In the same way, parents love their children, even when and especially when they discipline them.  Parents do need to figure out the best way to discipline their children, and they need to be in agreement.  I know many are against corporal punishment, and so they need to find other consequences that cause a child to feel remorse, realize the need to apologize, and then desire to listen and do better.  

From this, children will be so much happier, because it shows them that their parents care and want the best for them.  They will be more confident when there are clear, healthy rules and directions laid out, which are enforced.  And they will experience peace when there is more understanding, cooperation and unity.

First of all, a child needs to know what is right and what is wrong.  And then, when they DEFIANTLY do something wrong, this requires immediate consequences.  Don't count to ten or three, otherwise they will just learn that they have a few more seconds to continue doing what they were doing.  AND it gives you an opportunity to become angry and impatient to the point of losing control.  Instead, quickly, calmly but firmly, take them somewhere private.  

In private, ask them what you have said.  (They should remember, because they just went defiantly against what they have been told.)  Then ask what they did.  (In this way, they have to make a verbal confession.)  Then tell them that because they disobeyed, and because you love them, they need to be punished.  If they cry and say that they are sorry, perhaps there is grace at this point.  But if they've tried this before, then you know they're only crying (at this point) because they've been caught and they're trying to get out of being punished.  Always, the type of punishment should be determined by the child's age as well as what they did.

IF you want to use corporal punishment, here are a few guidelines given by some experts, such as Dr. James Dobson.  I used his guidelines with our children, and my parents essentially used the same approach with me.  I never feared them or hated them, and I knew that they loved me.  And after being spanked (about three times in my life), I knew that I did not want to disobey my parents!  It's interesting how quickly a child can learn that when we listen to our parents, all will be well.

Spanking must be done in love, though!  Never while angry or impatient!  It really is only recommended for children who are between the ages of two and five.  Give 2 to 3 spanks on the flesh of the buttocks for children who are 2.  For children who are 3, use 3-4, etc., but no more than 5.  And yes, it should hurt!  The flesh will be a little pink.  Never spank to a point that there is a welt or bruise.  Use something like a wooden spoon (without any sharp edges) and try it on yourself first.  Using your hand can be effective, as it will hurt your hand more than what the child is feeling.

After whatever punishment you have given to your child, don't hug them unless they show remorse and are sorry for what they have done.  And never apologize for punishing them.  This would send a very confusing message to your child, because you have done nothing wrong!

Now let's get into how NOT to punish a child.  I have seen some parents use what they call "corporal punishment" which definitely crosses a line into being abusive.  But there are other forms of consequences which would also cross that line.  So how can one know if a method is abusive or not.  

If a child is becoming resentful of their parent/s, and/or they hate and fear their parent/s more and more, there may be some level of abuse.  Not to say that a child might just be hating their parents as a form of rebellion;  because if a parent is doing everything correctly, they could still choose to act out.  

If a child is angry, the punishment might be unfair in relation to what was done.  And here's a thinker - I've seen children get angry because the punishment was not hard enough, so it was more of an irritation to them - like - the parent was just interrupting their fun.

If a child is anxious and fearful of making mistakes, the parent/s might be too strict and their expectations might be too high.  

If a child is becoming more frustrated and insecure, it might be because the parent/s are being inconsistent in what the rules are, and/or inconsistent with how and when discipline is administered.  I've seen some parents encourage a child to misbehave and then laugh at "the cuteness", but then the next day, the same parent is punishing the child for doing the same exact thing.

If a child is becoming too cavalier and/or laughing at the wrong things, perhaps the parent is not paying attention, or simply ignoring bad behavior.  A parent who does nothing and lets their children get away with bad behavior is not only enabling them to behave even worse, it is neglect and a different form of abuse.  Therefore, along with all the other examples, this is not a loving or effective method at all.

And now for the "how".  If one does not want to use corporal punishment, one has to find something that speaks to the child's "currency".  With this method, one has to be careful that it is not using a good thing as a punishment.  Let's just say for example that they are made to read the Bible.  Well, the Bible should be a very good thing to do.  This should never be seen as a punishment, or they will never want to study the Bible, ever again.  Also not a great idea is sending them to bed without supper.  Food really shouldn't be used as weapons or rewards.  Too many kids grow up to either self-medicate with food, or become anorexic or bulimic as a way to feel more in control of life.

Another thing to keep in mind is to make sure that the punishment isn't actually something they might enjoy, like sending them to their room.  FYI, I LOVED playing by myself in my room!!!  That would not have worked as a punishment for me.  Also, make sure that it isn't more of a punishment for you or someone else, than it is for the child.  

Our goal as parents in delivering appropriate measures of punishment should be to have our children realize that there are consequences to our actions, which will help spare them a lifetime of miserable consequences.  To be vigilant and on top of this should actually give the family more time together that is positive and encouraging.  Establishing a peaceful, fun and loving environment will help them see the sense in pursuing the Lord and His will, and living in His strength and wisdom.

relationships (Proverbs 23:1-9, 17-21, 27-35) Contentment Helps Faithfulness

(Proverbs 23:1-35)

1   When you sit down to dine with a ruler,
     Consider carefully what is before you,
2   And put a knife to your throat 
     If you are a person of great appetite.
3   Do not desire his delicacies,
     For it is deceptive food.

4   Do not weary yourself to gain wealth;
     Stop dwelling on it.
5   When you set your eyes on it, it is gone.
     For wealth certainly makes itself wings 
     Like an eagle that flies toward the heavens.

6   Do not eat the bread of a selfish person;
     Or desire his delicacies;
7   For as he thinks within himself, so he is.
     He says to you, “Eat and drink!”
     But his heart is not with you.
8   You will vomit up the morsel you have eaten 
     And waste your compliments.

9   Do not speak to be heard by a fool,
     For he will despise the wisdom of your words.

10 Do not move the ancient boundary 
     Or go into the fields of the fatherless,
11 For their Redeemer is strong;
     He will plead their case against you.
12 Apply your heart to discipline,
     And your ears to words of knowledge.

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
     Though you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
14 You shall strike him with the rod 
     And rescue his soul from Sheol.

15 My son, if your heart is wise,
     My own heart also will be glad,
16 And my innermost being will rejoice 
     When your lips speak what is right.

17 Do not let your heart envy sinners,
     But live in the fear of the Lord always.
18 Certainly there is a future,
     And your hope will not be cut off.
19 Listen, my son, and be wise,
     And direct your heart in the way.
20 Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine,
     Or with gluttonous eaters of meat;
21 For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty,
     And drowsiness will clothe one with rags.

22 Listen to your father, who fathered you,
     And do not despise your mother when she is old.
23 Buy truth, and do not sell it,
     Get wisdom, instruction, and understanding.

24 The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice,
     And he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.
25 Let your father and your mother be glad,
     And let her rejoice who gave birth to you.

26 Give me your heart, my son,
     And let your eyes delight in my ways.
27 For a prostitute is a deep pit,
     And a strange woman is a narrow well.
28 Certainly she lurks as a robber,
     And increases the treacherous among mankind.

29 Who has woe? Who has sorrow?
     Who has contentions? Who has complaining?
     Who has wounds without cause?
     Who has red eyes?
30 Those who linger long over wine,
     Those who go to taste mixed wine.
31 Do not look at wine when it is red,
     When it sparkles in the cup,
     When it goes down smoothly;
32 In the end it bites like a snake 
     And stings like a viper.
33 Your eyes will see strange things 
     And your mind will say perverse things.
34 And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of the sea,
     Or like one who lies down on the top of a mast.
35 “They struck me, but I did not become ill;
     They beat me, but I did not know it.
     When will I awake?
     I will seek another drink.”

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

We should be careful with whom we closely associate.  The Bible study that I attend right now is discussing how the world is a "kingdom of entertainment", while for God's family it is a "kingdom of celebration".  Coming to a table somehow disarms people and brings people closer together... when our directions and purposes are aligned.  Therefore, when we come together in a celebration that is focused on the Lord, everyone participates in fellowship and unity.  It is a time of nourishment, encouragement, love and joy.  

When people only come together to be entertained, understand that this is passive and self-centered, because everyone will have different purposes, expectations and reactions.  If we are invited to someone's feast, beware that we might be the entertainment, because often, people will invite us to a party with ulterior motives.  Even if they let you speak, and they seem so interested, they might be gaining intel in order to somehow use your words against you later.  This has happened to me a few times.  The journey may seem enjoyable, but in the end, it is not!

Also understand that people who desire to be entertained will tend to require more and more, otherwise they will start saying, "I've seen this before, and it's not enough!  Now, give me a different experience, or give me something 'better'!"  Like, with pornography, people will require things to become more and more perverted.  Or like, with violent movies, people will crave more and more graphic scenes... because people can become desensitized. 

Therefore, being content in the Lord will keep us away from trouble.  Being content will prevent us from wanting what others have, whether it is power, wealth, luxury, leisure, popularity... And being content will prevent us from wanting more!  Because even if something is good, it can become bad for us.  Being content will also protect us from wanting things to go further than... which leads us into very dangerous and unhealthy behaviors and environments.  

Being content will help keep us from worrying, being anxious and afraid that we're going to miss out on something.  It will help us be happier and more focused at school or at work.  It will help us in being happier in our marriage, and in staying faithful to our spouse.  And it will even keep us faithful in our personal relationship with the Lord!  Think about it, if we are not focused on being entertained, but being part of the celebration, we will look forward to going to church and getting involved!  We will be less likely to complain, and more likely to serve and encourage!

Being content involves realizing and being thankful for the Lord's goodness, truth and wisdom, because these benefit and enrich our lives.  If we are not thankful, and if we are not practicing thankfulness, we will not be content.  The word "practicing" implies discipline, in order to be equipped and prepared.  Along with praying, studying God's words, and putting His commandments into practice everyday, we can prepare our hearts, minds and bodies for each day, as well as for the times we will face temptations, tests and trials.  Then, for example, when we come across an opportunity to overindulge, the temptation will not be there or be as strong - if - we have been practicing the attitude of being content.

This is not an impossible thing - when we ask the God of the impossible to help us!  We can be content in the Lord, because He is the one who fulfills and satisfies us.  And it is the Lord who gives us purpose and direction in life, which leads to peace, contentment and joy.