relationships (Matthew 7:6) What Makes a Good Friendship?

(Matthew 7:6)

6 “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

In that culture, pigs and dogs were considered unclean animals which had zero appreciation for valuable things.  Pigs ate the vilest foods, and dogs were scavengers, even eating human blood.  And stray dogs growled at anyone, whether people were ignoring them or trying to give them something to eat.

I didn't fully understand this verse until fairly recently.  I was getting to know a woman who came off very sweet, compassionate, smart and fun-loving.  I love and care for her, and still pray that she will realize her need to have her sins forgiven and have God in her life as her Lord and Savior.  

At first, when the topic of Christianity came up, this friend appeared to listen attentively, and even asked questions.  As time progressed, I soon realized that she would only hear what she wanted to hear, and only asked questions in order to gain ammunition to use on me later.  The relationship turned very contentious, and biblical principles that I had shared with her, were distorted and twisted and then used against me, to falsely accuse me of various things.  There just wasn't any reasoning with her, or finding a way to proceed within a relationship of respect, so I finally had to distance myself from her.

(Proverbs 23:9)  

Do not speak to be heard by a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words.

Hindsight - I should have recognized the futility of our convoluted conversations much, much sooner.  While we are to love all people, it doesn't mean that we have to be friends with everyone.  If a relationship isn't healthy, we need to learn to know when to move on, especially as a single who is dating.  One can see the importance of a committed believer dating and marrying another committed believer.  Therefore, while we should have interactions and acquaintanceships with those who are unbelievers (otherwise how are we able to share God's love and gospel message), these relationships should stay in proper perspective.

Therefore, these are things to pray about, asking God to send opportunities our way, as well as pray that He gives us wisdom to understand the differences.  There are those people (unbelievers) who will be open to hearing God's word (or not), and then there are those people (believers) who will make excellent mentors, close friends, and/or spouse.  With believers, we should even be able to encourage and challenge one another towards growing closer to the Lord in our personal relationship, because we will understand the value and benefits in what is being shared, in accordance with God's love and His will.  And as believers grow closer to the Lord in a personal relationship, we will grow closer to one another.

(John 15:12-17) “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, because all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. 17 This I command you, that you love one another.

relationships (Matthew 7:1-5) Being a Positive Example vs Being Negative and Critical

(Matthew 7:1-5)

1 “Do not judge, so that you will not be judged. 2 For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye!

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

It is all too easy to be critical and judgmental of others, and there are many different ways we can do this:

- pointing out someone's quirks or flaws

- pronouncing an opinion concerning right and wrong

- calling into question someone's actions or words

- jumping to conclusions without having all of the facts

- making unfair assumptions or assessments

- making distinguishments, which create varying degrees of prejudice

- putting asunder (forcibly separating, dividing, disjoining, or breaking apart)

- making implications against someone

- accusing someone with either true or false accusations

There are many different motives which can drive us to wrongfully judge others:

- "trying to help someone become a better person" because we feel superior

- "trying to resolve a situation or relationship" to our benefit

- comparing ourselves with others to make ourselves look better

- tearing down or undermining someone because we are jealous

- attempting to censor (silence) someone because we want more control

- seeking to avenge (which is to seek justice or to right a wrong)

- seeing revenge (which is to seek personal satisfaction and cause harm)

- to punish or condemn someone because of our self-righteousness

When we look at all these points, we've got to wonder what is the point of judging?  It really doesn't look like a positive or favorable way to foster healthy relationships!  So, what we should do?  Verse 2 is pretty much stating the golden rule, but in a much different way.  Treat others the way you want to be treated...  So, do you like being judged by others?  Because, people tend to respond in the way they are treated.  Of course, as Christians, we are not to be reactionary.  We are always to love and be understanding, no matter how we are being treated.

It certainly helps to know God and His way!  He desires that all come to know Him personally, and He desires that all live obediently because we love and trust Him.  But He will never force anyone to love Him back, and even once we are believers, He will never force us to be obedient to His will.  So, what makes us think that we can force anyone to love God, or force someone to be obedient to God's will?!  Why do we expect unbelievers to live and behave as believers - when - believers struggle to do so?!  

God is so gracious and patient with us, how much should we be gracious and patient with others, because we cannot read their minds or know the motives of their hearts!  Only God, who is holy and sovereign (all-powerful, all-knowing and everywhere-present) can know the hearts and minds of people, and be able to judge wisely, fairly and with true righteousness and justice.  

God alone is Judge!  And at the right time, He will judge all unbelievers according to their sins.  And at the right time, He will judge and reward all believers according to good deeds done with right motives.  And meanwhile, it is God who will discipline His children and allow consequences into our lives!  And it is His Holy Spirit who will convict the hearts of both believers and unbelievers!

Therefore, we should graciously accept feedback when it comes to us, whether it is delivered with love or not, and humbly consider what is being said, even if it seems incorrect or exaggerated.  We can always learn, grow and mature, in all situations.  We are to humbly assess our own hearts and minds, and confess our sins to the Lord as we realize them, so that we can continue growing closer to the Lord in our personal relationship with Him.  And, we are to humbly live, act and speak, in God's love, peace and wisdom, all to His glory... sharing the good news, so that others will experience Jesus, and want to also have a personal relationship with Him.  

To be Christ-like is to serve God and others, and be an example.  So, when we see a fellow Christian struggling, IF it is our place to approach them on the issue, we must make sure it is with pure and loving motives, not being self-righteous, but in God's righteousness, wisdom and grace, proceed with all humility and prayer!  It's not because WE have a better way, it is because God has a better way for them!

relationships (Matthew 6:19-34) Trust vs Worry

(Matthew 6:19-34)

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22 “The eye is the lamp of the body; so then, if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. So if the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.

25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the sky, that they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather crops into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more important than they? 27 And which of you by worrying can add a single day to his life’s span? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Notice how the lilies of the field grow; they do not labor nor do they spin thread for cloth, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided to you.

34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

I was curious why verses 22 and 23 were stuck in between these others... until now, when I looked at a commentary.  AHHHH... now "my eyes are seeing that light!"  If an eye wasn't "clear", it was a "bad" eye, meaning that it was diseased and the person was unable to see well.  Cultural, this expression was also used to describe someone who was worthless and/or stingy.  We can also add to that analogy, the words of Jesus, "For those who have eyes to see..."

Therefore, for those who have opened their spiritual eyes and have seen the Light of Jesus and accepted Him into their lives, we will - not just understand - but we will want to trust in and live by what Jesus is telling us.  And here, He is telling us a most wonderful thing!  We do not have to worry!!!  We are NOT to worry!!!

First of all, we have to understand that worrying is just a symptom of something.  So, we have to get down to what is the cause.  It all comes down to the condition of our hearts.  For example, if we love money and desire to have more money and we live for money thinking that money will solve all our problems and help us be content... but knowing that there are people out there who also love money and will try to steal our money, or manipulate, lie and scam us out of our money, and also knowing that the economy could suddenly just tank and cause us to lose money... whether that happens or not, we are going to worry!

That was just an example of having a love-relationship with money, but we can apply this to our relationships with other things and with people.  The worrying part is that we cannot control things or people.  We can lose things and people.  And things and people will let us down.  The only "thing" that will never change or let us down is the Lord!  And so, to have a personal relationship with Him is critical to experiencing true joy, peace, hope and contentment.  Also take into consideration that the opposite of worrying is to trust.  Well, who or what else can we trust in that is consistent, most powerful and eternal?  God!!!  God is sovereign, and PLUS, He loves and cares!

Therefore, regarding money for instance:  money isn't bad.  The LOVE of money is bad.  Besides all the biblical advice that God gives us on this topic, which also includes tithing, we can "give" God all of our money to manage.  In other words, don't just consider 10%+ as God's, and the rest is ours... but, in our heart, we can consider that all of it is God's!  Then, because all of our money is God's, we don't have to worry about anyone stealing OUR money!  We are managers of God's money, and He will guide and direct us as to how to invest and manage His money wisely and appropriately.

Same goes for other things and people in our lives!  Like, when our daughter was sick and we were told that she would die, I "gave" her to God.  The worry in my heart was replaced by God's peace.  When my husband was away on work and running a little late on getting home, I would start to worry that he might have been in an accident, etc., etc., I "gave" him to God.  

I mean, just give EVERYTHING, and EVERYONE, and OURSELVES completely to God!!!  Now, it is all in God's hands!!!  And as our faith is an ongoing relationship with the Lord Jesus, know that He is right there with us.  So, we can accurately imagine that He is always asking us, "What do we have up for today?"  "What do you need Me to do for you?"  "Tell Me all of your concerns and let's deal with them."  "You have nothing to fear, and there's no need to worry, I've got this!"  "NOW, let's get to the things that are really important... helping others open their spiritual eyes to see and accept the Light of My joy, peace, hope and contentment."

relationships (Matthew 6:16-18) Humbly Focused

(Matthew 6:16-18)

16 “Now whenever you fast, do not make a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they distort their faces so that they will be noticed by people when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 17 But as for you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, 18 so that your fasting will not be noticed by people but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

Yikes!  So, the two main lessons here are definitely two things I struggle with, constantly!  I'm one of those people who can become h-angry!  I mean, not the kind of h-anger that blurts out nasty things, but I'm certainly not graciously patient!  It's either that and/or my concentration abilities go right out the window.  And that's just between meals!  I definitely need to work on this, as well as trying to implement some times to fast and pray!  

It's been said that fasting doesn't even have to be for a long time.  Like, I could start by simply skipping my afternoon-snack-meal.  In fact, I could just determine that for those random moments where I'm feeling ravenous, I should just stop and take that time to focus on God and pray!  I've also heard that one can "fast" - take a break - from whatever it is that is consuming one's time or focus... like playing video games, or watching television, or...

This leads me to the most important point, as well as my next (biggest) struggle.  FOCUSING!!!  I've never been properly diagnosed, but given my life-long-challenges, it would be quite safe to say that I'm A.D.D.  Not ADHD, but there have been a few times in my life where I went to the "H-mode" and it wasn't pretty!  So, with God's help, I've developed coping methods, skills and techniques.

I'm sharing this, not to use as an excuse, but it can explain a few things.  We all struggle with something, and we learn from each other, and gain understanding.  Therefore, besides trying to stay organized and practicing proper social skills... being conscientious and considerate of others, it is all about asking God for help.  Constantly!  Even when I'm trying to pray - I find myself apologizing to God for drifting away, and asking Him to pray FOR me, and to help me stay focused!

This whole "in secret" stuff is very applicable!  I mean, besides humbling one's heart, and not showing off how "religious" one is!  But, to go somewhere without distractions, so we can hyper-focus on the Lord!  Interestingly, what typically helps me hyper-focus, is if there is something else vying for my attention.  I'll use music as an example.  There are times when having some noise in the background - helps.  So in the same way, having gnawing hunger-pangs could serve in that capacity!  But the entire purpose of this fasting should be all about setting set aside a time, where we are extra-focused on God, not in a religious way, but in an intentional, humble, and personal-relationship-kind-of-way.

relationships (Matthew 6:13) Contentment vs Temptation

(Matthew 6:9-15)

9   “Pray, then, in this way:

      ‘Our Father, who is in heaven,
      Hallowed be Your name.
10  Your kingdom come.
      Your will be done,
      On earth as it is in heaven.
11  Give us this day our daily bread.
12  And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13  And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.’

14  For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY.

Have you ever experienced those moments that felt really "off", and things were just not going the way they should?  Like, you're arguing with someone, and it doesn't even make sense.  This is a moment to pray, "Lord!  Deliver us from evil!"

Crossing paths with someone who was in the occult, and having experienced, felt, seen and heard things from that realm, this is not good or fun or even interesting.  Never be curious about this, because that is an invitation.  And if you hear something like witches and demons can be "good", understand, this is deceptive.  One of the most powerful deceptions of temptation is to start believing that bad is "good" or acceptable.  Another temptation would be to just go along with this type of thinking out of fear... fear of getting hurt, or fear of missing out or looking uncool.

As believers, we have the Lord's indwelling Holy Spirit within us, and God is always with us.  HE - is everywhere-present, all-knowing and all-powerful!  He is more powerful than all powers put together, so He assures us that we do not have to worry or fear anyone or anything.  Just continue to rely on Him.  

It is important to know that while God will allow certain things into our lives, God never tempts anyone, and He knows how much we can handle.  But the most important point is that WE are not to handle it!  We are to keep looking to and trusting in the Lord in all things and for all things, allowing HIM to handle it!  

Also, we don't need to say specific words or phrases in certain ways in order to defend ourselves against demons.  I've been in situations where I couldn't move, and all my mind could pray was, "Jesus help!  Jesus help!"  And help came!!!  It doesn't matter how God chooses to answer our prayers.  He knows exactly how and when, and He will do it.  Do we trust Him?  Are we going to Him for His constant help?

Faith is not a wishful thinking of - oh I hope God is real, and-but-so-if He is, I'll just go through the motions on the chance that this will work.  Faith is knowing God personally, and knowing that He is real.  He loves us and does care.  His Bible contains His words of encouragement and directions for us to follow.  And, as believers, when we practice asking God to help us avoid temptations and trials, and when temptations and trials come, practice asking God to help us deal with those.  When we are obedient to His will, with His help, He makes things work for good!

Now let's apply this  to marriages.  God is to be our hyper-focus in life.  If we hyper-focus on our spouse, they will only let us down.  They are not perfect, even when they are trying to be.  We are not perfect, and we'll never perfectly satisfy our spouse.  GOD is perfect, faithful and completes us.  The Lord is the only one who can fully satisfy and fulfill us.  Contentment in the Lord will help us remain faithful to our spouse!  Think about it!  Who has more power?!  Who can be "enough" to keep us from the temptations of straying... even emotionally?!  And even in "finding" a spouse, it's the same advice.  If one is complete in Christ and content in all things, there should not be any rash or desperate decisions made.  So...

Here is one more way to look at all of this.  If we are hyper-focused on fearing evil and temptations, we'll probably fall into troubles and temptation, because that is all we will be dwelling on.  But if we are hyper-focused on loving the Lord and enjoying a close relationship with Him... as our hearts are fixed on Him, and our desires are focused on God's desires, we probably won't even notice the temptations.  And if we do notice, we'll see them as they are:  hopeless, empty, deceptive and dangerous traps which people fall into.  But in trusting in and experiencing God's almighty power, we will know that we have nothing to fear.

relationships (Matthew 6:12-15) Healthy Reconciliation

(Matthew 6:9-15)

9   “Pray, then, in this way:

      ‘Our Father, who is in heaven,
      Hallowed be Your name.
10  Your kingdom come.
      Your will be done,
      On earth as it is in heaven.
11  Give us this day our daily bread.
12  And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13  And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.’

14  For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

Confessing (sincerely apologizing with the intentions of change) and forgiving are both necessary in maintaining healthy relationships, with the Lord God, as well as with others.  After all, the first step in reconciling with God to have a personal relationship with Him is to repent; to realize that we are sinners in need of saving.  We need to understand that the Lord came in flesh in order to accomplish His work on the cross, to provide the way.  He shed His blood to pay the price for our sins (past, present and future).  When one does this, Jesus forgives all sins, and chooses to remember them no more.

While we cannot lose our salvation, once we are born again, we will still struggle with our sinful nature.  But God still loves us!  God will always love us!  He is faithful and will never disown us!  But because God is love, He will never force anyone to love Him back.  And when we choose to love Him back, He will never force us to be obedient in His will.  But if and when we purposefully sin, thinking it's okay because our salvation is secure, think again!  Because God loves us, and desires to always continue in a close relationship of blessings, He will discipline us.

Since we have HIs Holy Spirit within us, when we sin, we quench His Spirit.  When we quench His Spirit, He will convict our hearts to help us realize that what we are doing is not good for us (or others).  The further we drift away, the more miserable we'll become.  If and when we choose to live in sin and ignore the Lord, the more we will have to either harden our hearts - or - choose to return to the Lord because He has a much, much better way for us.  After all, it is all about having a personal relationship with God!  And the closer we grow to the Lord, the more we will experience His blessings.

Now regarding others!  Because we love God, we will desire and strive to be obedient to His will.  And, it is His will that we forgive others as He has forgiven us!  No matter what someone has done to hurt us, it is beneficial to forgive them.  This is not to say that what they did was okay, it is to "say" that you will not seek revenge.  It is also to "say" that you will not let what they did change you for the worse.  So, it isn't just for their benefit, it is for ours as well.  If we do not forgive, then we will become angry, hateful and bitter, and even start to become the thing that we hate.  

As well, if we have hurt anyone, it is beneficial to apologize to them (and the Lord), whether that person forgives us or not.  Besides continuing to pray for those people, with both confessing and forgiving, we have done whatever we can to reconcile.  God will see this and bless us in our obedience, and in this our hearts will experience His peace, and a continuing and maturing relationship with the Lord.

relationships (Matthew 6:11) Don't Be Afraid to Ask

(Matthew 6:9-15)

9   “Pray, then, in this way:

      ‘Our Father, who is in heaven,
      Hallowed be Your name.
10  Your kingdom come.
      Your will be done,
      On earth as it is in heaven.
11  Give us this day our daily bread.
12  And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13  And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.’

14  For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

I find it fascinating that verse 11 is not telling us to THANK the Lord for our daily bread, but we are to ASK the Lord for our daily bread.  Obviously, we are to be thankful for everything, as all provisions and good gifts are from the Lord!  Everything that we have is from the Lord!  But with either one, we should never take God for granted.

First of all, this is to be a daily thing.  "Give us THIS day..."  Let us not forget that it is the Lord who equips and supplies us with everything we need.  We might not get everything we want, but He is faithful to see to it that we get what we need, no matter which circumstance we find ourselves in.  Just like the manna that the Lord provided for the Israelites in the wilderness.  Just like the Lord Jesus provided for the multitudes when He broke and multiplied the fish and the bread. 

Of course, we tend to think about literal bread.  Bread doesn't just represent the food needed everyday to nourish our body, there is also our daily spiritual bread needed to nourish our hearts, minds and souls.  Reading God's word every day, sustains me with God's wisdom, encouragement and direction, and reminds me to continually apply scripture with God's help, which is life-changing and empowering.  After all, the Lord is the Bread of Life!  

When we become a believer, we receive the Lord's indwelling Holy Spirit.  No matter what we say or do, we will never lose our salvation, but we will quench the Holy Spirit.  Therefore, even though He is always with us, since it is all about having a personal relationship with the Lord, we can and are to go to Him every day to talk, thank and ASK that He fill us, nourish us, help us understand, trust in and rely on Him as our daily source of His spiritual power, guidance, love and help!  We should not be afraid or too proud to ask!  He WANTS us to ask!  He loves us that much!!!