relationships (Matthew 5:38-39) Avoiding and Facing Confrontations

(Matthew 5:38-39)

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, do not show opposition against an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other toward him also. 

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

IMPORTANT TO KNOW:  these verses should never be taken out of context to imply that if we are Christians, we should just put up with domestic abuse and/or purposefully insert ourselves into scenarios with physical violence.  So, back to these verses... culturally, apart from physical harm, the blow on the right cheek was considered the most grievous insult in the ancient world.  This offense could even be brought to court In both the Jewish and Roman law.  An example of this happened to the prophet Micaiah...  

(1 Kings 22:24)  Then Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah approached and struck Micaiah on the cheek; and he said, “How did the Spirit of the Lord pass from me to speak to you?”  (Other examples are found in Job 16:10 and Lamentations 3:30.)

Now, how are we to apply these two verses from Jesus' sermon on the mount, as Jesus was giving all these bullet points of insight for the people to mull over?  Well, God is very clear, and His word says it best...

(Romans 12:17-21) Never repay evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all people. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

IMPORTANT TO KNOW:  believers are called to value relationships over ourselves, even with evil people. This is NOT to say that we are to become BFFs with our enemies.  Looking back at Matthew 5:39 very closely, it doesn't even say we are to approve or show agreement with them, because we know God tells us to stand for justice from such verses as...

(Proverbs 31:8-9)
8   Open your mouth for the people who cannot speak,
     For the rights of all the unfortunate.
9   Open your mouth, judge righteously,
     And defend the rights of the poor and needy.

God tells us to correct oppression and humbly bring true justice to orphans and widows, defending and upholding the cause for the weak, poor, and the oppressed (Psalm 82:3, Proverbs 29:7, Isaiah 1:17, Micah 6:8, Zechariah 7:8, James 1:27). 

IMPORTANT TO KNOW:  we are never told to seek out abuse or violence...

(Proverbs 4:14-15)

14  Do not enter the path of the wicked 
      And do not proceed in the way of evil people.
15  Avoid it, do not pass by it;
      Turn away from it and pass on.

(1 Timothy 6:11)   ...flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.

(Psalm 37:27) Turn from evil and do good, so that you will dwell forever.

(Romans 12:21)  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

(Ephesians 6:11)  Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.

(James 4:7)  Submit therefore to God. But resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

IMPORTANT TO KNOW:  submitting ourselves to the Lord God is everything!  Within our loving, personal relationship, we realize that God cares for us so deeply, and desires our lives to be complete, fulfilled and satisfied in His will and purpose, to experience His joy, to His glory.  Because He wants to do life WITH us!  Therefore, He asks us to...

(1 Thessalonians 5:17)  "Pray without ceasing."

(Philippians 4:4-7)  Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

relationships (Matthew 5:33-37) Love and Respect

(Matthew 5:33-37)

33 “Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord.’ 34 But I say to you, take no oath at all, neither by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 nor by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 Nor shall you take an oath by your head, for you cannot make a single hair white or black. 37 But make sure your statement is, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil origin.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

The one important vow that we make in life would be marriage vows, which we should never make lightly.  While unfortunately divorce happens, it is not God's will.  Therefore, with God's help, we should continuously work on our marriage, but most importantly each should continuously work on their relationship with the Lord!

Other vows that people might make are when they testify in court, or when someone takes a position in government or in law enforcement, or when someone becomes a citizen of another country.  These are all important promises to keep - especially if you have used God's name!!!  If you do not carry out your promises as stated, you have used God's name in vain!!! 

While all of these are important vows to keep, the essence of these verses are really about our honesty and true intentions.  Jesus is telling us that we should not have to be swearing on this or that, or using His name in vain, in order to convince someone that NOW we are telling the truth.  Jesus is telling us to always tell the truth.  Be honest and trustworthy.

As a believer, first of all, if we truly love the Lord, flippantly throwing around any version of His name is disrespectful!  And as we are children of God, representing our heavenly Father, our desire should be to reflect Him and all of His traits, which are holy and good.  This will not just demonstrate our love and respect for the Lord, but also our love and respect for one another.

relationships (Matthew 5:27-31) Staying Pure Whether Single or Married

(Matthew 5:27-31)

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 Now if your right eye is causing you to sin, tear it out and throw it away from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand is causing you to sin, cut it off and throw it away from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

31 “Now it was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away is to give her a certificate of divorce’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

God created mankind so that He would have someone to love, and desires that all will choose to love Him back in a personal relationship.  Creating mankind with the intention of having intimate relationships, He also created man and woman with marriage in mind.  Only intended for marriage, sex is a miracle of creation where there is literally a physical marriage - where the two become one flesh.  

We hear how people always remember "their first one".  Yes - that's because you married that person!  The most important sexual organ that we have is our minds.  Whatever we have done, seen or heard, is what we will take with us into our marriage, and into our marriage bed.  So the purer we keep ourselves, the better sex will be within the marriage.  There is more trust, confidence, encouragement and security when we can both say we were faithful to each other our entire lives, even before we met each other.

The verses above support the importance of maintaining purity, even in and especially in our hearts and minds.  Any sort of lusting will cause one to feel unfulfilled and make it more difficult not to stray.  This is emotional adultery, and a spouse will sense the other pulling away.  Notice that these verses don't put the onus on the spouse for maybe not being sexual enough.  And these verses don't put the onus on the "other" person, who may or may not be vying for attention or selfishly trying to be a marriage-wreaker.  Lust can happen in many different forms.  Therefore, any type of pornography is deceptive and destructive, even for one who is single.  This would include "graphic" romance novels and movies.  So. ladies, we are not exempt.  We are all responsible for what we put into our minds and hearts.

In this light, flirting should remain within a marriage, and carried out in privacy;  and even then, flirting should have good intentions which lead to something between the husband and wife.  It would be cruel to flirt, but then turn them down.  A healthy, enjoyable marriage, does include healthy, enjoyable sex.  The Bible even tells us clearly that spouses are not to deprive one another (1 Corinthians 7).  While the onus is on each individual to remain faithful, why would we want to make it "easier" for our spouse to drift away???!!!

Outside of the marriage, there is no such thing as harmless flirting, because we have no idea how the other person will take this!!!  Your intentions might be to have "just a little careless fun", but this can lead to a lot of other acts of carelessness.  And if you are dating or married, and you are flirting with someone else, this is a whole other level of cruelty!  Here's another way to think about it, all of your sexual energy, vibes, flirting, etc... should be reserved for your spouse!!!  In this way, when both have done that, both GET 100%!!!  And nothing from your reserves have been carelessly, unfaithfully thrown away to someone else.

Marriage is difficult enough when we do all the right things.  And that includes marrying another believer!  One should never marry an unbeliever thinking that you will be able to save them, or that God will answer your prayers that they become a believer.  God gives everyone a free will, and will never force anyone to love Him back.  And even once someone becomes a believer, He will never force anyone to live in obedience to His will.  

Therefore, we can see the importance of a believer patiently and prayerfully marrying another believer.  And then, having the most important in common, we can work together as a very tightly woven team, which not just includes God, but relies on God, putting Him first, ahead of our spouse, and everything else.  As both husband and wife grow closer to the Lord, they will grow closer to each other.  And as both husband and wife read God's word, pray to the Lord Jesus for help and wisdom, and listen to the Holy Spirit's guidance with willing and obedient hearts, God will lead the marriage in a wonderfully unified direction, because He also created us with the purpose of serving and glorifying Him.

(1 Corinthians 10:31)  Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all things for the glory of God.

relationships (Matthew 5:21-26) Reconciling Quickly

(Matthew 5:21-48)

21 “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not murder,’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be answerable to the court.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be answerable to the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be answerable to the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. 23 Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. 25 Come to good terms with your accuser quickly, while you are with him on the way to court, so that your accuser will not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you will not be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last quadrans.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

People think that they just have to be "good enough" (whatever that means).  People will try to argue how good they are, and that they will be going to heaven because they deserve it.  Afterall, it's not like they've killed anyone.  Well, here, Jesus is saying that even if we have been angry with someone, or called someone a name... we DESERVE to be punished.  We will go to hell.

Now, here's something very important to know.  God doesn't want to punish anyone. God desires all come to know Him personally and have a relationship with Him.  God would love nothing more than for all people to humbly go before Him to be reborn... so He can adopt everyone and make them His children.  BUT God is holy and cannot have a relationship with sin.  PROBLEM: we all have sinned and fall short of God's glory.  SOLUTION: the Lord came in flesh to pay the price for all sin on the cross and have victory over sin and death, so that anyone who believes will have everlasting life.

God's standards are high!  To please Him and get to heaven, we must be perfectly holy and righteous.  And for us to come even close to God's standards in our efforts is impossible.  The only way we can please the Lord is to become a believer, and to accept the love and salvation of Jesus into our hearts, which changes us internally.  Our relationship of love with the Lord will become evident by how we treat others, especially how we treat other believers, as well as our enemies.

Now, this is easier said than done.  While our sins have been forgiven, we are still in our sinful flesh, therefore we will still struggle, and we will run into disagreements with loved ones, family members, Christian brothers and sisters, friends, co-works, peers and neighbors...  While the world's way of managing these issues will be to ignore, avoid, manipulate, bully, or retaliate with gossip, lies and violence... here is the way to live out God's love and Law in these situations... 

• As soon as someone hurts us, we are to forgive (whether they apologize or not), or we will become angry, bitter and vengeful, and that will only make things worse.  Therefore, to facilitate peace, we must forgive and let God manage the rest.  And from experience, I can tell you that this works!  

• If the relationship is such, we can go to them and let them know that what they did to hurt us, and/or what is hurtful to others, as well as themselves.  It should be our prayer and hope that they will accept the feedback in order to change their behavior, and see the need to become a believer if they are not already.

• As well, as soon as we realize that we have hurt someone else, we are to go to them and apologize (whether they forgive us or not).  Just in this action alone, we will experience God's peace in our lives, since we have done what God asks of us.  And with the prayer and hope that the other person will be open to reconciling, we will find that these relationships can become even stronger than before.  And if that person isn't a believe already, this can very often be what encourages them to seek out a relationship with the Lord.  

• And of course, for ourselves, when we make these mistakes, which are sin, when we confess these to the Lord, He is faithful and forgives.  And, it is more than just "forgiveness".  From my personal experience, I have learned that when I'm obedient to confessing my sins as I realize them, in that moment, the Lord changes me internally, and I mature, even delivering me from things that I assumed were chronic (like PTSD).

God doesn't want us to be punished, or to struggle along in life, or be surrounded by relationships of tension, drama, worry, fear or hate.  He wants us to have a life with purpose, courage, joy and love.  He wants to do life WITH us, and guide us along, so we may experience His goodness to the fullest.  It all starts with first reconciling with God (through Jesus' salvation) and maintaining a healthy relationship with Him!

relationships (Matthew 5:17-20) Working On the Heart

(Matthew 5:17-20)

17 “Do not presume that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish, but to fulfill. 18 For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke of a letter shall pass from the Law, until all is accomplished! 19 Therefore, whoever nullifies one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

20 “For I say to you that unless your righteousness far surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

The Pharisees were very religious, because for them it was all about the external appearances.  Being also arrogantly power-hungry, and with the desire to control the optics and control others, people become self-righteous.  Even people today, when one combines the empty acts of religion with their self-righteous preferences, in their worldview, not even Jesus is as spiritual as they themselves.  

One cannot be more deceived in their thinking than this!  And God is going to have something to say to anyone who changes, adds or diminishes God's word in anyway, because this leads people astray and keeps people from going to God!  Now, if one of these is a true believer yet still does this, they will get into heaven, but there are no rewards for this!

When someone humbly repents and becomes a believer, they immediately are forgiven of all sins (past, present and future), receive the indwelling Holy Spirit, and are covered by Jesus' righteousness, which changes us from the inside out.  This is how the Lord Jesus fulfills the Law!!!  It is in our hearts!  And as we ask and allow, the Holy Spirit will continue working for us, in us, and through us, in order to carry out our God-given purpose, to His glory.  THIS is what the Lord will reward!

Yet, it's not about scorekeeping, or maintaining a checklist, or about dos and don'ts.  It is all about having a personal relationship with the Lord, which is all about His love, for us and all people.  In this, there will be an outpouring of our love for Him, with a desire to keep and accurately teach God's Laws, with a desire to carry out our purpose with God's calling, directions and help, all with His love, all to His glory!  It is Christ at work in us, to fulfill His Law!

relationships (Matthew 5:14-16) Share the Light

(Matthew 5:14-16)

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; 15 nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Your light must shine before people in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

We've all heard the phrase about specific people being able to "light up a room" as soon as they enter.  As well, celebrities are referred to as "stars".  Well, these verses do not refer to either of those, especially because it is all about those people and their personal abilities and popularity.  All the accolades, compliments and glory goes to them, and to them alone.

Obviously, in these verses, "light" is used as an allegory or illustration.  Physical light is a brightness that is emitted from a source of energy, either from a lamp, or fire, or it is a light that is reflecting a source of light.  Just so, as believers, we are to reflect God's light that is within us.  Also, just as light overtakes the darkness, salvation and life in Christ has victory over sin, death and darkness.

The only source of spiritual light is the Lord God - who is light!  God's light is pure and brilliant and overcomes the darkness!  His light gently exposes sin, enlightens hearts and minds with truth and its knowledge, which - when accepted into one's heart, soul and life - embeds God's spiritual purity.

Because it is all about having a personal relationship with the Lord, we should desire to follow Him closely because of His love, and because we have chosen to love Him back.  In that moment of being born again, we receive His indwelling Holy Spirit, so that for all eternity He is right there with us to continue lighting our way.  

Since we have God's light within us, we should not be hiding this relationship, or be afraid to share.  Just like having the coolest, nicest friend, whom we love to introduce to others, we should be more than eager to introduce the Lord to all those around us as we have the opportunity.  And as we live in such a way that shines out God's love, there will be people who will notice and ask about it.  And since God is omnipresent, it's not like we can keep Him all to ourselves!  He is everywhere!  Therefore, as we help to illuminate God's truths, people's spiritual eyes can be opened to see and meet Him.

No need to worry.  God will give us the courage, strength and guidance in how we can be effective in shining His light out to the world.  He will continue to enlighten us with His moral and spiritual truth and guidance.  He will light the way for us.  Although, it is still up to us to be obedient and follow where He leads and directs!  In this obedience, we will be like a light on a lampstand so that others can witness how God is working in our lives, and see God's love, truth and His righteous path.  In this obedience, we will be accomplishing good works that glorify the Lord!

relationships (Matthew 5:13) Being Effective in Adding Value

(Matthew 5:13)

13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by people.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

I'm very curious to learn how this will apply to our relationships, with the Lord and/or with others.  So, looking at the definition for "salt":

• it is used to season food, to add flavor
• therefore it was also used to sprinkle onto people's sacrifices.
• it protects food, because it purifies and preserves food, so it will not change
• therefore it is a symbol of lasting accord.
• therefore it was and is used in Asian customs to partake together
• therefore it signifies wisdom and grace exhibited in speech
• THEREFORE: "salt" in this verse is figurative for prudence.

In the sense of salt becoming tasteless, it then would not serve any purpose.  Putting all of this information into context, this would be another way to describe foolishness.  Culturally, the joke was - IF - real salt could lose its saltiness, how can one restore its salty flavor - except to salt it.  

Scientifically, adding real salt doesn't change fake salt, because it was never real salt to begin with.  Now, real salt can SEEM to lose its flavor only because of impurities, additives and/or moisture.  In other words, the real salt is still there, but the things that have been added to it, has dummied down its effectiveness.  The more additives, the less effective.

Now, how does this apply to us and our relationships?  All of us start life as fake, flavorless, worthless salt, therefore hopeless and without purpose.  But with God, all things are possible.  So, when we repent of our sins, and ask Jesus to forgive us and come into our life, He chooses to no longer remember our sins, and He covers us with His righteousness, which purifies us!  And with His indwelling Holy Spirit, He changes us from the inside out, which seasons us with His loving and holy qualities.  He protects and preserves us for all eternity.  He gives us purpose, and with His guidance we gain His wisdom and grace.  And as we walk with, trust in, and rely on Him, He helps us to be prudent, and helps us love others with His love, which is everlasting, unchanging, unconditional and sacrificial!.

Now, just like real salt cannot lose its flavor, a true believer cannot lose their salvation or their purpose.  But just like real salt can appear to lose its flavor, we too can and will stumble and add impurities to our lives.  The more we sin, the less effective we become to the Lord and His kingdom.  

Therefore, so that we can maintain our flavor and value in God's purpose that He has given us, we are to confess our sins as soon as we realize them.  For us to be flavorful and valuable to others, we must embrace our relationship with the Lord, learn from Him, and be equipped by Him, who is our source of all things good!!!  Our prudence, wisdom and grace will be the evidence of our relationship with God.  Another way to put it is, in order to be more godlike, we must grow closer to God!!!