relationships (Matthew 5:42) At the Heart of Being Generous

(Matthew 5:42)

Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

This tiny verse seems impossibly big!  So big, I initially felt extremely overwhelmed, and even guilty of how selfish I can be.  But, this isn't what Jesus is going for, because He doesn't work that way.  His righteousness, purpose and methods are always imbedded in His great love for us!

At first, my thoughts were swimming with all the images of how many homeless people I have seen, sometimes just in one day!  And if I had given even just a few coins to each of them... well, I'd need a huge purse just for that, and quite possibly I'd be setting myself up to be mugged...  And to what end?  And just how much is enough?  Somewhere in between is the answer?  Am I to beat myself up over this?  Meanwhile, the Bible is reasonable, practical and applicable, and tells us that we are to work unto the Lord, invest wisely, not be a financial burden on others, and...

(1 Timothy 5:8)  ...if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

So, here is the comforting, encouraging part!  As humans, we tend to think in very human terms.  And this is one of the big points that Jesus is making in His sermon on the mount.  Jesus is giving the people some idea of how high God's standards are compared to ours.  And God's standards are impossible for us to obtain on our own, because God is holy and perfectly righteous.  

Having a sinful nature, we require Jesus' salvation, which comes with His forgiveness, mercy and grace, His indwelling Holy Spirit, His help and guidance, and His righteousness.  While I have already been saved, obviously I still struggle with thinking in human terms!  Therefore, practically speaking, my initial reaction was a little like the rich man who went to Jesus with a question.  

The rich young man's problem wasn't that he was a criminal, since he was very "religious" and "nice", and practiced all the do's and don'ts.  And he was quite pleased with himself on that account, but was he really wondering what else was missing in order to be complete, or was this a veiled attempt to show off how "good" he was, with a fishing expedition for some compliments from Jesus???  

(Matthew 19:16:22) And someone came to Him and said, “Teacher, what good thing shall I do so that I may obtain eternal life?” 17 And He said to him, “Why are you asking Me about what is good? There is only One who is good; but if you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” 18 Then he said to Him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not commit murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not give false testimony; 19 Honor your father and mother; and You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 20 The young man said to Him, “All these I have kept; what am I still lacking?” 21 Jesus said to him, “If you want to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” 22 But when the young man heard this statement, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.

Jesus' answer sounds humanly material, but it is spiritual.  Jesus wants all of us, where we make a decision and ask Him to be Savior, Lord and King of our life, where He comes first, above all else.  Obviously, the main struggle this rich man had was that his love relationship with money was greater than the desire to have a personal love relationship with the Lord.  And we know that this is wrong...

(1 Timothy 6:10)  For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

In other words, the rich young man wanted to go to heaven, but on his own terms, and by his own works.  The answer that Jesus gave the man was in human terms.  Oh, so you want to try working your way to heaven... here's something!!!  Which is crazy-impossible!  

All of this to say - the real solution is "simple", reasonable and very possible!  We ARE to be generous and gracious in our giving, but this is to be done according to the Holy Spirit's wisdom, help and guidance.  EVERYTHING should be done in God's will and His love, according to the Holy Spirit's wisdom, help and guidance.  Within a personal relationship, God does it FOR us, in us, and through us...

(Galatians 5:16:24)  But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. 17 For the desire of the flesh is against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, in order to keep you from doing whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. 19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, 20 idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, 21 envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

relationships (Matthew 5:41) Selfishness Cannot Love

(Matthew 5:41)

Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. 

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

This tiny verse has many layers to it.  I'm trying to put this exact hyperbole into a situation that might happen today in our country.  Well, not sure how often this actually happens, but like in movies and TV shows, when the police are chasing after criminals, they will sometimes commandeer a citizen's vehicle.  Although, this will rarely occur, and the situation that Jesus lays out, is taking it one step further.  

These next verses will put things into more perspective.  And keep in mind that it is "for the Lord's sake".  In other words, because we represent the Lord, we should be obedient to laws and customs... as long as they do not go against God's will...

(1 Peter 2:13-17)  Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, 14 or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. 15 For such is the will of God, that by doing right you silence the ignorance of foolish people. 16 Act as free people, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bond-servants of God. 17 Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

(Romans 13:1-7)  Every person is to be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. 3 For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; 4 for it is a servant of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a servant of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. 5 Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for the sake of conscience. 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. 7 Pay to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; respect to whom respect; honor to whom honor.

At that time, Rome was busy taking over the world as they invaded countries to build and spread their empire.  And so, they had a strong presence in Israel, and 

Roman soldiers had the legal right to commandeer work animals and resources, as well as force citizens to do work for them.  An example where this happened is in Mark 15:21, when Jesus was struggling to carry His cross on the way to be crucified, and the soldiers pulled out a man from the crowd to carry Jesus' cross.  

Just so, if a Roman soldier was going somewhere and carrying a heavy load, he had full rights to make someone else carry his things.  I'm not sure just how often this happened (just like officers commandeering a vehicle);  but, if and when it did, being willing to go an extra mile would have impressed upon these Romans.  To be, not just an example of nonresistance, but to show loving service to the oppressor would have at least raised some eyebrows. Just like when Paul was imprisoned, he used this as an opportunity to joyfully share the gospel message with guardsmen, and lives were changed.

Now for another poignant and applicable verse to consider...

(Luke 9:23)  And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me.

Again!  Love rather than selfishness!  wow-wow-wow!!!  I'm getting a fuller picture of how much selfishness impedes the efforts of showing godly agape love to others!  As another verse says, it is not just to love those who are easy to love, but to love all people, as God loves them!!!  This is definitely not of ourselves.  We must first have God's love in our hearts, and then ask and allow God to love others through us, in His strength, help and guidance!!!  We just have to have willing hearts.  Then, in our personal relationship with the Lord, as He works for us, in us and through us, His love will be shared and lives will change!!!

relationships (Matthew 5:40) Satisfaction vs Selfishness

(Matthew 5:40-48)

And if anyone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak also. 

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

In this hyperbole scenario, "under Jewish law, a legal case to regain one’s cloak would have been foolproof.  A creditor could not take a poor person’s outer cloak, which might serve as one’s only blanket at night as well as a coat (Ex 22:26-27)." By settling outside of court, one can avoid legal disputes which affect only oneself, and it is a practical way to try to keep a situation as peaceful as possible. 

Although, the main point of what Jesus is saying is that, as believers, we are to value relationships supremely and be motivated by godly (agape) love, which is unconditional and sacrificial.  In this unselfishness, we are to regard possessions as nothing.  People and their salvation are far more important than having things!

In our relationship with the Lord, Who loves people so much that He came in flesh to die in our place to pay the price for sin... He will help us love others in the same unconditional and sacrificial way.  This love is not of ourselves, it is God's love!  And as we see the eternal benefits of having a relationship with God, we should also desire that all come to know Him in the same way!  

This is ultimately our main purpose in life!  And for us to follow through and be obedient to this calling, requires us to humbly confess and turn away from greed, and self-centered desires, preferences and selfishness.  What helps is when we realize the true value of having God in our lives, and in embracing Him and His will, we are made complete.  Only in the Lord will we experience His true peace, joy, fulfillment, contentment and satisfaction!

relationships (Matthew 5:38-39) Avoiding and Facing Confrontations

(Matthew 5:38-39)

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, do not show opposition against an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other toward him also. 

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

IMPORTANT TO KNOW:  these verses should never be taken out of context to imply that if we are Christians, we should just put up with domestic abuse and/or purposefully insert ourselves into scenarios with physical violence.  So, back to these verses... culturally, apart from physical harm, the blow on the right cheek was considered the most grievous insult in the ancient world.  This offense could even be brought to court In both the Jewish and Roman law.  An example of this happened to the prophet Micaiah...  

(1 Kings 22:24)  Then Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah approached and struck Micaiah on the cheek; and he said, “How did the Spirit of the Lord pass from me to speak to you?”  (Other examples are found in Job 16:10 and Lamentations 3:30.)

Now, how are we to apply these two verses from Jesus' sermon on the mount, as Jesus was giving all these bullet points of insight for the people to mull over?  Well, God is very clear, and His word says it best...

(Romans 12:17-21) Never repay evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all people. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

IMPORTANT TO KNOW:  believers are called to value relationships over ourselves, even with evil people. This is NOT to say that we are to become BFFs with our enemies.  Looking back at Matthew 5:39 very closely, it doesn't even say we are to approve or show agreement with them, because we know God tells us to stand for justice from such verses as...

(Proverbs 31:8-9)
8   Open your mouth for the people who cannot speak,
     For the rights of all the unfortunate.
9   Open your mouth, judge righteously,
     And defend the rights of the poor and needy.

God tells us to correct oppression and humbly bring true justice to orphans and widows, defending and upholding the cause for the weak, poor, and the oppressed (Psalm 82:3, Proverbs 29:7, Isaiah 1:17, Micah 6:8, Zechariah 7:8, James 1:27). 

IMPORTANT TO KNOW:  we are never told to seek out abuse or violence...

(Proverbs 4:14-15)

14  Do not enter the path of the wicked 
      And do not proceed in the way of evil people.
15  Avoid it, do not pass by it;
      Turn away from it and pass on.

(1 Timothy 6:11)   ...flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.

(Psalm 37:27) Turn from evil and do good, so that you will dwell forever.

(Romans 12:21)  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

(Ephesians 6:11)  Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.

(James 4:7)  Submit therefore to God. But resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

IMPORTANT TO KNOW:  submitting ourselves to the Lord God is everything!  Within our loving, personal relationship, we realize that God cares for us so deeply, and desires our lives to be complete, fulfilled and satisfied in His will and purpose, to experience His joy, to His glory.  Because He wants to do life WITH us!  Therefore, He asks us to...

(1 Thessalonians 5:17)  "Pray without ceasing."

(Philippians 4:4-7)  Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

relationships (Matthew 5:33-37) Love and Respect

(Matthew 5:33-37)

33 “Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord.’ 34 But I say to you, take no oath at all, neither by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 nor by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 Nor shall you take an oath by your head, for you cannot make a single hair white or black. 37 But make sure your statement is, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil origin.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

The one important vow that we make in life would be marriage vows, which we should never make lightly.  While unfortunately divorce happens, it is not God's will.  Therefore, with God's help, we should continuously work on our marriage, but most importantly each should continuously work on their relationship with the Lord!

Other vows that people might make are when they testify in court, or when someone takes a position in government or in law enforcement, or when someone becomes a citizen of another country.  These are all important promises to keep - especially if you have used God's name!!!  If you do not carry out your promises as stated, you have used God's name in vain!!! 

While all of these are important vows to keep, the essence of these verses are really about our honesty and true intentions.  Jesus is telling us that we should not have to be swearing on this or that, or using His name in vain, in order to convince someone that NOW we are telling the truth.  Jesus is telling us to always tell the truth.  Be honest and trustworthy.

As a believer, first of all, if we truly love the Lord, flippantly throwing around any version of His name is disrespectful!  And as we are children of God, representing our heavenly Father, our desire should be to reflect Him and all of His traits, which are holy and good.  This will not just demonstrate our love and respect for the Lord, but also our love and respect for one another.

relationships (Matthew 5:27-31) Staying Pure Whether Single or Married

(Matthew 5:27-31)

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 Now if your right eye is causing you to sin, tear it out and throw it away from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand is causing you to sin, cut it off and throw it away from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

31 “Now it was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away is to give her a certificate of divorce’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

God created mankind so that He would have someone to love, and desires that all will choose to love Him back in a personal relationship.  Creating mankind with the intention of having intimate relationships, He also created man and woman with marriage in mind.  Only intended for marriage, sex is a miracle of creation where there is literally a physical marriage - where the two become one flesh.  

We hear how people always remember "their first one".  Yes - that's because you married that person!  The most important sexual organ that we have is our minds.  Whatever we have done, seen or heard, is what we will take with us into our marriage, and into our marriage bed.  So the purer we keep ourselves, the better sex will be within the marriage.  There is more trust, confidence, encouragement and security when we can both say we were faithful to each other our entire lives, even before we met each other.

The verses above support the importance of maintaining purity, even in and especially in our hearts and minds.  Any sort of lusting will cause one to feel unfulfilled and make it more difficult not to stray.  This is emotional adultery, and a spouse will sense the other pulling away.  Notice that these verses don't put the onus on the spouse for maybe not being sexual enough.  And these verses don't put the onus on the "other" person, who may or may not be vying for attention or selfishly trying to be a marriage-wreaker.  Lust can happen in many different forms.  Therefore, any type of pornography is deceptive and destructive, even for one who is single.  This would include "graphic" romance novels and movies.  So. ladies, we are not exempt.  We are all responsible for what we put into our minds and hearts.

In this light, flirting should remain within a marriage, and carried out in privacy;  and even then, flirting should have good intentions which lead to something between the husband and wife.  It would be cruel to flirt, but then turn them down.  A healthy, enjoyable marriage, does include healthy, enjoyable sex.  The Bible even tells us clearly that spouses are not to deprive one another (1 Corinthians 7).  While the onus is on each individual to remain faithful, why would we want to make it "easier" for our spouse to drift away???!!!

Outside of the marriage, there is no such thing as harmless flirting, because we have no idea how the other person will take this!!!  Your intentions might be to have "just a little careless fun", but this can lead to a lot of other acts of carelessness.  And if you are dating or married, and you are flirting with someone else, this is a whole other level of cruelty!  Here's another way to think about it, all of your sexual energy, vibes, flirting, etc... should be reserved for your spouse!!!  In this way, when both have done that, both GET 100%!!!  And nothing from your reserves have been carelessly, unfaithfully thrown away to someone else.

Marriage is difficult enough when we do all the right things.  And that includes marrying another believer!  One should never marry an unbeliever thinking that you will be able to save them, or that God will answer your prayers that they become a believer.  God gives everyone a free will, and will never force anyone to love Him back.  And even once someone becomes a believer, He will never force anyone to live in obedience to His will.  

Therefore, we can see the importance of a believer patiently and prayerfully marrying another believer.  And then, having the most important in common, we can work together as a very tightly woven team, which not just includes God, but relies on God, putting Him first, ahead of our spouse, and everything else.  As both husband and wife grow closer to the Lord, they will grow closer to each other.  And as both husband and wife read God's word, pray to the Lord Jesus for help and wisdom, and listen to the Holy Spirit's guidance with willing and obedient hearts, God will lead the marriage in a wonderfully unified direction, because He also created us with the purpose of serving and glorifying Him.

(1 Corinthians 10:31)  Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all things for the glory of God.

relationships (Matthew 5:21-26) Reconciling Quickly

(Matthew 5:21-48)

21 “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not murder,’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be answerable to the court.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be answerable to the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be answerable to the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. 23 Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. 25 Come to good terms with your accuser quickly, while you are with him on the way to court, so that your accuser will not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you will not be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last quadrans.

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY

People think that they just have to be "good enough" (whatever that means).  People will try to argue how good they are, and that they will be going to heaven because they deserve it.  Afterall, it's not like they've killed anyone.  Well, here, Jesus is saying that even if we have been angry with someone, or called someone a name... we DESERVE to be punished.  We will go to hell.

Now, here's something very important to know.  God doesn't want to punish anyone. God desires all come to know Him personally and have a relationship with Him.  God would love nothing more than for all people to humbly go before Him to be reborn... so He can adopt everyone and make them His children.  BUT God is holy and cannot have a relationship with sin.  PROBLEM: we all have sinned and fall short of God's glory.  SOLUTION: the Lord came in flesh to pay the price for all sin on the cross and have victory over sin and death, so that anyone who believes will have everlasting life.

God's standards are high!  To please Him and get to heaven, we must be perfectly holy and righteous.  And for us to come even close to God's standards in our efforts is impossible.  The only way we can please the Lord is to become a believer, and to accept the love and salvation of Jesus into our hearts, which changes us internally.  Our relationship of love with the Lord will become evident by how we treat others, especially how we treat other believers, as well as our enemies.

Now, this is easier said than done.  While our sins have been forgiven, we are still in our sinful flesh, therefore we will still struggle, and we will run into disagreements with loved ones, family members, Christian brothers and sisters, friends, co-works, peers and neighbors...  While the world's way of managing these issues will be to ignore, avoid, manipulate, bully, or retaliate with gossip, lies and violence... here is the way to live out God's love and Law in these situations... 

• As soon as someone hurts us, we are to forgive (whether they apologize or not), or we will become angry, bitter and vengeful, and that will only make things worse.  Therefore, to facilitate peace, we must forgive and let God manage the rest.  And from experience, I can tell you that this works!  

• If the relationship is such, we can go to them and let them know that what they did to hurt us, and/or what is hurtful to others, as well as themselves.  It should be our prayer and hope that they will accept the feedback in order to change their behavior, and see the need to become a believer if they are not already.

• As well, as soon as we realize that we have hurt someone else, we are to go to them and apologize (whether they forgive us or not).  Just in this action alone, we will experience God's peace in our lives, since we have done what God asks of us.  And with the prayer and hope that the other person will be open to reconciling, we will find that these relationships can become even stronger than before.  And if that person isn't a believe already, this can very often be what encourages them to seek out a relationship with the Lord.  

• And of course, for ourselves, when we make these mistakes, which are sin, when we confess these to the Lord, He is faithful and forgives.  And, it is more than just "forgiveness".  From my personal experience, I have learned that when I'm obedient to confessing my sins as I realize them, in that moment, the Lord changes me internally, and I mature, even delivering me from things that I assumed were chronic (like PTSD).

God doesn't want us to be punished, or to struggle along in life, or be surrounded by relationships of tension, drama, worry, fear or hate.  He wants us to have a life with purpose, courage, joy and love.  He wants to do life WITH us, and guide us along, so we may experience His goodness to the fullest.  It all starts with first reconciling with God (through Jesus' salvation) and maintaining a healthy relationship with Him!