relationships (Genesis 29:1-30) Think Clearly

(Genesis 29:1-30)  Then Jacob went on his journey, and came to the land of the sons of the east. 2 He looked, and saw a well in the field, and behold, three flocks of sheep were lying there beside it, for from that well they watered the flocks. Now the stone on the mouth of the well was large. 3 When all the flocks were gathered there, they would then roll the stone from the mouth of the well and water the sheep, and put the stone back in its place on the mouth of the well.

4 Jacob said to them, “My brothers, where are you from?” And they said, “We are from Haran.” 5 He said to them, “Do you know Laban the son of Nahor?” And they said, “We know him.” 6 And he said to them, “Is it well with him?” And they said, “It is well, and here is Rachel his daughter coming with the sheep.” 7 He said, “Behold, it is still high day; it is not time for the livestock to be gathered. Water the sheep, and go, pasture them.” 8 But they said, “We cannot, until all the flocks are gathered, and they roll the stone from the mouth of the well; then we water the sheep.”

9 While he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess. 10 When Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, Jacob went up and rolled the stone from the mouth of the well and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother. 11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted his voice and wept. 12 Jacob told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and that he was Rebekah’s son, and she ran and told her father.

13 So when Laban heard the news of Jacob his sister’s son, he ran to meet him, and embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his house. Then he related to Laban all these things. 14 Laban said to him, “Surely you are my bone and my flesh.” And he stayed with him a month.

15 Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my relative, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?” 16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 And Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful of form and face. 18 Now Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” 19 Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than to give her to another man; stay with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.

21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my time is completed, that I may go in to her.” 22 Laban gathered all the men of the place and made a feast. 23 Now in the evening he took his daughter Leah, and brought her to him; and Jacob went in to her. 24 Laban also gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah as a maid. 25 So it came about in the morning that, behold, it was Leah! And he said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served with you? Why then have you deceived me?” 26 But Laban said, “It is not the practice in our place to marry off the younger before the firstborn. 27 Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also for the service which you shall serve with me for another seven years.” 28 Jacob did so and completed her week, and he gave him his daughter Rachel as his wife. 29 Laban also gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maid. 30 So Jacob went in to Rachel also, and indeed he loved Rachel more than Leah, and he served with Laban for another seven years.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

Poetic justice?  The deceiver was deceived.  What Jacob did to disguise himself as his brother in order to steal the blessing was kind of what happened to him here.  Still not right.  Laban lied and didn't hold to the deal.  In this way Laban married off both his daughters and got Jacob to serve him for 14 years (plus).

Now at this feast, I'm assuming there was probably a lot of alcohol involved.  And since only men were invited, it was probably more of a bachelor party and less of a wedding celebration.  FYI: originally, the bachelor party was meant as a test.  The father and brothers of the bride took the groom out to party - to see if he would remain faithful.  If the groom fell for any temptation/s in front of him, they knew he was not the man for the bride.  In this case, this party was to prevent Jacob from thinking or seeing clearly.

Jacob wasn't thinking clearly anyway, as he allowed himself to be so smitten with "love" - or was it "lust" - for Rachel.  He should have looked into the customs of that area before making a contract.  And he should have looked into the face of his bride before making love.  But he didn't, and therefore he took Leah as his wife.  But, because he allowed himself to continue being so smitten with Rachel, he unwisely took two wives.  As well, he fell into the bad behavior of his parents and showed obvious favoritism.  This was not going to go well at all.

Like his brother Esau, he should have stopped at the first wife.  He should have chosen to love Leah, focusing on her and working on that marriage.  Who knows, it could have been a really lovely relationship!  When both people decide and want to make a marriage work, and they both work on it, it will work!  Hindsight - do not blindly rush into marriage!

Even when someone "gets the one" they really want to marry, it doesn't guarantee a good marriage, let alone a "happily ever after".  FYI: just get rid of this saying!  This is a worldly concept incorporated into fictional romance stories.  It doesn't exist.  Feelings are fickle.  They come and go and then they can come back, etc. 

Let me share a personal experience.  Even as I got to know my fiancé whom I chose to love and marry, my feelings for him grew throughout the dating and engagement  period.  Although here and there, there were moments of frustration and exasperation, etc. which I sorted out.  Otherwise, I knew he would make a great husband!  Could "someone better" have come along?  Sure.  But it was clear that we shared the same direction in life, worked well together (etc.), and so we had chosen each other.  Decision made!  And overall - it felt good.

One day I promised myself that "that feeling" was never going to die.  Well, after the honeymoon, I suddenly realized that "that feeling" was gone.  BUT - it had been replaced with a feeling of contentment and peace...  I couldn't figure this out, and instead of being concerned, I put this enigma to the backburner of my mind.  Months later, I had been asked to sing a solo in church.  Right before, I started to get quite nervous - and I suddenly realized - that this was "that feeling"!  

"That feeling" is all about being nervous, which means that we would be wise to think through the reasons why we are having "that feeling".  Whether you call it "the butterflies", or "chemistry"... it can be very easy to get these wires crossed, which would confuse our reasoning abilities.  It can be as simple as wanting to make a good impression on someone (even with someone of the same sex).  It can also be the feelings of being nervous, intimidated or afraid.  Just because you 'have feelings" is NOT a sign that they were sent by God!  In fact, this could very well be a test or a temptation!  And this helps explain why certain people so very easily fall into abusive and/or inappropriate relationships, thinking that it is "love".  

My mom had a few good words of advice: "Be careful who you date, because you will fall in love."  And - "Never fight to START a relationship, you want to fight to KEEP a relationship." (That is - if you are already married!)  

Obviously, I realized that I didn't want to be nervous about having to impress my husband!  I embraced the feelings of contentment and peace...  Again - feelings come and go.  Even the feelings of contentment and peace!  There will be those times when we feel our spouse is annoying or frustrating or... this is when we continue to choose love, and then with love, work on the relationship.  Even once married, we should continue "dating" our spouse - as well as continue to think clearly.  And if you are not married, if you are dating, always think clearly - think very clearly!   And as with everything, seek God's wisdom and guidance!

relationships (Genesis 28:10-22) Actions Demonstrate Trust

(Genesis 28:10-22)  Then Jacob departed from Beersheba and went toward Haran. 11 He came to a certain place and spent the night there, because the sun had set; and he took one of the stones of the place and put it under his head, and lay down in that place. 12 He had a dream, and behold, a ladder was set on the earth with its top reaching to heaven; and behold, the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. 13 And behold, the Lord stood above it and said, “I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac; the land on which you lie, I will give it to you and to your descendants. 14 Your descendants will also be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south; and in you and in your descendants shall all the families of the earth be blessed. 15 Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” 16 Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.” 17 He was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.”

18 So Jacob rose early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on its top. 19 He called the name of that place Bethel; however, previously the name of the city had been Luz. 20 Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will keep me on this journey that I take, and will give me food to eat and garments to wear, 21 and I return to my father’s house in safety, then the Lord will be my God. 22 This stone, which I have set up as a pillar, will be God’s house, and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You.”

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

The Lord spoke to Jacob in a dream-like-state, repeating the Abrahamic covenant to him, which included the promise of land, seed and blessing.  The extra blessing that all nations would receive through his descendants, was that the Lord Jesus would be born in flesh through their bloodline, making salvation possible.  And for the Israelites to have their land, seed and blessings in full - requires their perfect obedience.  Salvation in Jesus is key!   This is the only way for anyone to be considered "perfectly obedient" in God's eyes. 

Not only did Jacob recognize the Lord, but he set up that place as a type of church.  A place to "meet with God" and give back to Him a tenth of everything God gave to Jacob.  (FYI: everything that we have is from God!)  But we can see here that as Jacob begins his walk with God, his faith and understanding is very immature.  Remember, Jacob had no qualms fenagling the birthright and stealing the blessing (inheritance) from his brother Esau, so it isn't surprising that Jacob thinks that he can or he has to negotiate with God.  

We should not expect God to first give us what we want and THEN we will do something that He expects of us.  It all begins with us first making a decision to believe!  When we put our faith in Him and accept His free gift of forgiveness and salvation, in that moment we become a child of God.  And because He has done all of THAT for us, in thankfulness we should desire to walk closely with Him.  As we then strive to live in obedience in His strength and wisdom, our heavenly Father will bless us and work things out for good.  It might not be as we expect, but we will see miracles and amazing evidence of His love and blessings.

We might wonder why we don't have God dropping in on us to talk to us directly, but we kind of do!  Because God loves us, He does reach out to us.  He has given us His infallible word, the Bible, which we can read and study every day!  He has given us His Helper, the Holy Spirit, to guide and work in and through us.  And He has given us a Christian family to help encourage and equip us.

As we trust in Him, our actions will demonstrate that trust.  For example, when God tells us to do something, our obedience shows our trust that He knows all things and wants the very best for us.  Tithing is a very specific way we can demonstrate our trust in the Lord.  

When we tithe 10%, God makes sure we are content and have what we need.  Sometimes He gives us more, but not necessarily.  In all the testimonies, I have never heard anything contrary to that.  I have heard many people say how they were barely eking by until they started to tithe, and even though they still had the same income, they suddenly had more than enough.  Having daily devotions and attending church is the same way.  We are tithing our time.  So when we make time for God, He will not only bless that time, but we will make better use of all our time.

relationships (Genesis 27:46-28:9) Parenting With Love

(Genesis 27:46)  Rebekah said to Isaac, “I am tired of living because of the daughters of Heth; if Jacob takes a wife from the daughters of Heth, like these, from the daughters of the land, what good will my life be to me?”

(Genesis 28:1-9)  So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him, “You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. 2 Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother’s father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother’s brother. 3 May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4 May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham.” 5 Then Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau.

6 Now Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob and sent him away to Paddan-aram to take to himself a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he charged him, saying, “You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan,” 7 and that Jacob had obeyed his father and his mother and had gone to Paddan-aram. 8 So Esau saw that the daughters of Canaan displeased his father Isaac; 9 and Esau went to Ishmael, and married, besides the wives that he had, Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael, Abraham’s son, the sister of Nebaioth.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

Fixing a wrong with more wrongs - does not make anything right.  It only makes things worse!  In this circumstance, Jacob did not respect his father and Rebekah did not respect her husband.  Game-playing is always wrong.  It implies that there are opposing sides.  God has always intended that a marriage is between one man and one woman, and the two become one flesh, and they are to be a team, working together.  At the same time, Isaac could have done better.  Isaac's own father first gave gifts to all of his children before giving the rest to Isaac.  Why didn't he follow Abrahams good example?  Meanwhile...

Esau did not do anyone any favors by marrying yet another woman!  I've never been near a situation where there has been more than one wife.  Once that deed is done, what can one do?  Let's consider what God's will is.  It is adultery to be with any other women other than your wife.  Therefore, the first woman that he married was his legitimate wife.  This is the one he should have stayed with, sending the other/s away.  And then this is the marriage he should have worked on in order to build a healthy relationship.

Obviously, Esau could have chosen a better first wife.  These days we can read the Bible and see for ourselves and pray for God to give us wisdom in all situations.  And in going to a good church, we will become better equipped.  As well, there is a great benefit in having parents who love God and strive to live in His will and teach their children.  Isaac could have and should have helped Esau out in all these things.  Maybe he did instruct Esau, but Esau chose to ignore the advice.

The main thing that Esau didn't do which would have pleased both his parents would have been to listen to his parents and their instructions.  But even better and most importantly, each of us should live to please the Lord!  There are some parents who are impossible to please, which will come across as rejection to their children.  So what are some good things to keep in mind as parents?

- put our relationship with God first in our lives

- put our relationship with our spouse second.  Not only will the children see how to nurture and maintain a healthy relationship with a spouse, but our children will actually feel more secure within the family unit

- be a parent who strives to be like our heavenly Father

- lead by example

- be consistent

- love our children no matter what they do or don't do, love should never be conditional and it should never have to be earned, it is to be given!  Period!  Don't be afraid to hug and kiss them everyday and tell them that you love them.

- teach them what is right and good, and how to walk with the Lord.  The greatest success in life is to have a close walk with God!

- let them know when they have done something right and good

- don't overwhelm them with rules, even God has broken down His ten commandments into the greatest and the second greatest!  Love God!  And love others!  I mean, I'm just saying... don't complicate things

- respect your children and teach them how to respect you and others

- definitely have fun with them, but you are still their parent, not their BFF

- talk with them, and very importantly, listen to them.  Let them know and demonstrate that they can come to you with anything, any and all questions and issues (never be afraid to say that you don't know something but you will look into it... and then, look into it and get back to them) otherwise they will look for answers and solutions elsewhere (keep everything age appropriate)

- if they come to you with something that is unsettling, don't overreact or judge, but calmly, lovingly discuss what God's word says.  Again, listen very intently.  They may not even be struggling with that, but they just might want to know more about it and how should they react when their friends talk about such things

- help them think for themselves, to be reasonable, remaining level-headed so they can sort through things if you should not be around

- pray together, and be real in those prayers, praying about their actual issues and concerns

- know that we cannot control what they actually do.  The more we try to control them, the more likely they will rebel and fight to get away from that control.  Notice that God never forces Himself on anyone! Not even His own children!

- we cannot even make them have a personal relationship with God, this is their God-given personal decision they have to make for themselves

- don't expect perfection, allow them to make mistakes, showing them God's grace as God shows us grace AND patience.  So much patience!!!

- parent with love, never parent in anger, never try to make them be afraid of you

- discipline appropriately only when they have DEFIANTLY broken a rule (having already clearly understood that it was wrong in the first place) 

- although never justify their wrong actions, and don't "protect" them from appropriate consequences, but do protect them from unjust consequences (if they spilt milk while goofing around after you asked them to stop goofing around, have them clean up the milk!  If they were driving while intoxicated and they have to sit in jail for a bit, let them sit in jail!  That is an extreme example, but if you have been disciplining them appropriately from the start, you most likely won't have to deal with such extreme situations.)

- consider that everything is a learning opportunity.  But don't be preaching at them, and don't get overbearingly religious!  Not even God does this!

- after they have made a mistake and they are remorseful, demonstrate God's forgiveness and teach them what to do after they make mistakes: teaching them how to reconcile and make things right whenever possible

- and these are more things to pray about together!

- our job as parents is not to manipulate or try to cling to our children forever, but to equip them so they can go off on their own as independent and well-adjusted adults.

- will they still need us as adults?  Most definitely!  But in different ways!  Continue fostering healthy relationships with healthy boundaries with each child.