relationships (Matthew 18:15-20) Trouble Shooting

(Matthew 18:15-20)

15 “Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that on the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be confirmed. 17 And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, he is to be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.

19 “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. 20 For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”

TODAY'S TAKEAWAY:

Only the Lord can judge a person's heart and their motives for doing and saying anything, and only the Lord can really know if someone is a true believer or not.  Meanwhile, the Lord has given all believers the authority to know God's word and His will, as each believer has received His indwelling Holy Spirit who helps us correctly understand, interpret and apply scripture to our lives.  And as verse 20 implies, the more believers who meet together to study God's words and pray over situations, the better the understanding of God's will.  Like, iron sharpens iron!

The key factor then, in applying the rest of these verses (and all verses) is to do all things "in the name of the Lord Jesus"!  Therefore, when we see another fellow believer sin, and if and when the Holy Spirit truly nudges us to approach them, it will be in Jesus' name (in His will, in love and grace, with a sincere and humble heart), because we care about them, and more importantly, God cares about them.

Now, because our emotions can often be involved, it is critical that we don't jump to conclusions, and that we consider the other person's emotions.  Remember, we are to treat others as we want to be treated.  From experience, all too often it can be as simple as a misunderstanding, because we didn't hear or see something correctly, or they meant to do or say something, but it came out wrong.  Like, hearing them say, "I did do that," when they said or meant to say, "I didn't do that."  Therefore, in private, it's so easy to ask, "What exactly did you say?" or "What really happened?" And, "When you said or did that, what did you intend, because it came across like..."  (or "It seemed like...")  And from experience, when it's approached like this, the relationship usually becomes better and stronger.

One thing that will help us in our relationship issues is to be sensitive to others, but not to ourselves!  Love is "patient" - means that we should be able to stomach a lot.  Therefore, the instructions above are not talking about tackling those stupid slipups that we quickly realize and apologize for, or those one-offs.  Right?!  We don't like people pointing out ALL our mistakes, so we should know that others don't, as well.  It's talking about things that are done with a willful, defiant and /or habitual pattern of error that needs addressing.  

Now let's say something was obviously in the wrong.  Before we approach anyone about a sin they have committed, we do need to pray about it.  First of all, make sure that it is actually a sin!  If it was just something based on a difference of opinion or preference, that in itself is not a sin.  If one thinks the church email heading should be blue and the other thinks it should be red, both can be "right".  Simply having disagreements is not a sin.  One should refrain from using dramatic and judgmental words and phrases like, "You offended me!"  Instead, both parties should stop and pray, and ask God for His unity and guidance... and then, there will be a peaceful solution, no matter what it is about!

Now, if a fellow believer did sin, but has already confessed and apologized and made corrections... then leave it alone.  God gives grace, so should we!  Yet, still, continue to pray for one another!  Now, maybe if we see them trying to work on some habitual sin, but they are struggling, this is when we can meet with them and say something like, "I see that you are struggling with this.  I'm praying for you, and if there's any way I can help, let me know."  But also know when something is above our abilities.  They may require our help by searching for a specific expert.

Now let's say, there's a believer who is willfully living in a sinful lifestyle, and it requires our involvement, then we should be praying for God's love and guidance, that He will give us the right timing, attitude and the right words.  And if they resist, then pray about which one or two believers should join in on this conversation.  But if that person still refuses to change, especially if they are serving in the church in any way, it needs to be brought to the church's attention.  If they want to continue with their sinful behavior, they should not be serving.  Because those who serve in church are looked up to as examples to follow, this would be a bad testimony to others, and a bad reflection on the church and on the Lord.

To treat someone as a gentile, is to treat them as an unbeliever, which is to still love and pray for them, and use whatever opportunity God gives us to share God's word with them.  And (because "tax collectors" were harsh, greedy and deceptive), to treat them as a "tax collector" is to not trust them.  Just because we are to love, doesn't mean we have to trust or approve of what someone is doing.  We are told to be aware and alert, and not befriend or be accepting of evil.

To treat these people as a gentile and tax collector means that the dynamic of our relationship will change from seeing them as a fellow believer with all things in common, to that of us seeing them as someone who needs God's salvation... because perhaps, they were never really a true believer to begin with.  They could have just been going through the motions, without understanding that Christianity is about having a personal relationship with the Lord.  

If they are a true believer, they won't lose their salvation, but the Lord will discipline them, allowing consequences into their lives to get their attention.  As well, they will grieve and quench the Holy Spirit so that they will no longer feel His closeness.  And eventually (hopefully) they will also feel like they are missing out on the close fellowship that they experienced with other Christians.

Any form of sin is self-destructive.  As well, sin "splashes".  Somewhere, somehow, others will be affected.  Even as believers, we will still sin, sometimes without realizing it (at first).  So, let's now put the shoe on the other foot.  If and when I'm actually struggling with a sinful habit, although it hurts my pride (as it should, actually), I do want to know, so that I can sort out the issue, confess it... learn from the situation, and maybe there's an apology I need to make in order to mend a fractured relationship.  In the long run, this is for my benefit, as well as for others.    

Now, maybe I dig in my heels and try to justify my words or actions, or deny saying or doing anything at all.  Then, if one or two other people tell me that they've also heard or seen me say or do this a few times... I really pray that this would get my attention, and alert me to a harmful, sinful pattern that is developing.

While making sinful mistakes can diminish our relationships and testimony to others, it's what we do after we make mistakes that can become a great testimony.  I know, the thought of repenting and confessing our sins hurts our pride!  But our pride, greed and self-centeredness are our personal troublemakers in life!  It is only with a continues humbling of our heart, and turning back to the Lord, that we can turn around our lives and things in our lives!