(Matthew 16:5-7)
5 And the disciples came to the other side of the sea, but they had forgotten to bring any bread. 6 And Jesus said to them, “Watch out and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” 7 They began to discuss this among themselves, saying, “He said that because we did not bring any bread.”TODAY'S TAKEAWAY:
When I first read verses 5-12, I was wondering what could God possibly tell me about relationships with this one (tiny) event. But, as I got into it - there was one big lesson... and then, there came yet another big lesson! So I've decided to split those verses up into two devotions.
It's such a human quirk to become defensive. Jesus gave the disciples an important piece of wisdom to keep in mind, but they immediately felt insulted, and ASSUMED that it was negative towards something they had done - or in this case - not done! I'm still trying to figure out for myself how to avoid coming across contentious or negative, and how to avoid unnecessary stupid "discussions"!
There are probably several reasons why we become defensive, but I can only think of three main ones. One would be that we are truly guilty of something and it's been eating at us. So then, when anyone says anything that SEEMS to relate, we quickly try to (wrongly) justify ourselves. But this is when we need to realize that we have something to confess, and perhaps adjust and/or sort out with someone else.
Another reason why we might become defensive is simply because we don't fully listen to every word someone is speaking, and we allow our emotions to take over and react. The way to avoid this is to NOT react, but get the facts. In all likelihood, we simply misunderstood. So, first, ask the person to repeat what they just said, and calmly listen to every word. We can even ask them to explain it in a DIFFERENT way. From there, we can peacefully discuss in order to gain insight. Maybe there is something that needs addressing, or maybe the other person was just looking for some understanding and encouragement.
For both listening and speaking, we should use wisdom. In discussions, it is very important HOW we say things. I have this crazy habit of saying, "you should" when most often I really mean "we should" or "one should". As well, it is wise to avoid using words like "always" or "never"... but instead, try to express more about our own feelings and perceptions, without being judgmental. We should never judge someone's motives. Only God knows what someone has actually said and done, and what someone is thinking and feeling! We cannot read anyone's hearts or minds. We certainly don't like it when others assume to read our hearts and minds!
Therefore, in discussions, instead of saying things like, "I guess you don't care about me, because you're always telling everyone that I'm a horrible cook..." we can say something like, "I know we joke about my lack of cooking skills in private, but it does hurt my feelings when it happens around other people." Or instead of, "You NEVER listen! You ALWAYS put this back in the wrong spot!..." we can say, "It SEEMS like you can't remember where to put this... is there a particular reason, or should we figure something else out?" (You know, since something like that doesn't necessarily have a right or wrong "spot".) Well, these were the only examples that came to mind. There are so many others, but we get the idea: words are important.
Thirdly, we can become defensive if we've been falsely accused and hurt before, and we're now hyper-vigilant on not letting that ever happen again. In this case, we should realize that we have some forgiving to do. Even if it doesn't make sense, or it might be too dangerous to approach that person, IN OUR HEARTS, we should forgive everyone who has hurt us.
Forgiving others does NOT mean that we are saying what they did was okay, it is saying that we are not going to hold a grudge and let those chains of bitterness control us and strangle out our joy. I know from experience that forgiving others brings so much healing and is so liberating (whether or not that other person ever apologizes)! And, even if what was done to us was so terrible, it is for our benefit!
For me regarding one particular person, I had to ask the Lord to forgive that person FOR me! BAM! Done! Immediately, a literal weight lifted up off of me, and I instantaneously loved that person and felt compassion for them. wow! That wasn't me! That was all God! And... as I'm thinking about this now, I did become less defensive after that!
Now let's look at the disciples and their reactions towards Jesus. They actually didn't have an issue towards the Lord, the issue was actually with themselves. And definitely I know that we can struggle with this as well... In our shortcomings, we can very quickly start to "humanize" the Lord and assume that He is going to react to things just like how we would. Of course, we will see in the next devotion that Jesus responds calmly and uses the time as a teaching moment.
The Lord is perfect. He is truth and wisdom. He cares. And in His everlasting love, He is so very patient. And He desires that we seek to become more like Him, which is only possible by asking Him for His strength and help. It is in this way that we will be able to stomach a lot. We are to be sensitive - towards others. It is a virtue that we learn how not to take things so personally, because really, "it isn't all about us". Listen to words being written or spoken, and see if and how it should appropriately apply to ourselves. As scripture tells us...
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