relationships (Proverbs 5:1-23) Being Single and Being Married

(Proverbs 5:1-23) 

1   My son, pay attention to my wisdom,
     Incline your ear to my understanding,
2   So that you may maintain discretion 
     And your lips may comply with knowledge.
3   For the lips of an adulteress drip honey,
     And her speech is smoother than oil;
4   But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
     Sharp as a two-edged sword.
5   Her feet go down to death,
     Her steps take hold of Sheol.
6   She does not ponder the path of life;
     Her ways are unstable, she does not know it.

7   Now then, my sons, listen to me 
     And do not turn away from the words of my mouth.
8   Keep your way far from her,
     And do not go near the door of her house,
9   Otherwise you will give your vigor to others,
     And your years to the cruel one;
10 And strangers will be filled with your strength,
     And your hard-earned possessions will go to the house of a foreigner;
11 And you will groan in the end,
     When your flesh and your body are consumed;
12 And you say, “How I hated instruction!
     And my heart disdainfully rejected rebuke!
13 I did not listen to the voice of my teachers,
     Nor incline my ear to my instructors!
14 I was almost in total ruin 
     In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”

15 Drink water from your own cistern,
     And fresh water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow into the street,
     Streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
     And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
     And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 Like a loving doe and a graceful mountain goat,
     Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
     Be exhilarated always with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress,
     And embrace the breasts of a foreigner?
21 For the ways of everyone are before the eyes of the Lord,
     And He observes all his paths.
22 His own wrongdoings will trap the wicked,
     And he will be held by the ropes of his sin.
23 He will die for lack of instruction,
     And in the greatness of his foolishness he will go astray.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

We are to be in the world but not of the world, so there is a line of discretion to consider, for both the single and the married, since God's will is that sex should be reserved for a man and woman who are married.  Take note that it was always intended that there only be ONE wife.  And for Christians, it is God's will that a believer only date and marry another believer.  Marriage is difficult enough, even when a couple is in complete agreement on all the very important aspects of life.

Here are a few things I learned and put into practice back when I was single.  Firstly and most importantly, I worked on my personal relationship with the Lord, and asked Him to help me, and protect me - which included protecting me from myself!  As well, I prayed for Him to already be working in the heart of my potential future spouse.  Since I had no idea when or if I would even get married, I also asked God to give me peace, fulfillment and contentment.  

Being content in all things is so very important - even in being single!  There is less of a chance that one becomes desperate and makes a lifelong stupid mistake and ends up living in a desperate and/or miserable situation.  This is also good practice for if and when one does get married.  If you think marriage is going to complete you, or fulfill your life, or be the answers to a lot of your problems - NOT TRUE!!!  When we put our spouse in place of God, with unreasonable expectations, they will let us down... because, guess what, they are NOT God!!!  They are not perfect.

Another thing that helped me as a single (and I did this in middle school, already) was to write out a list of all the pros and cons as to why I should save myself for marriage.  The only thing in the con-column was "temporary satisfaction".  And even that is not a guarantee.  And if there is temporary satisfaction, there are so many ramifications that go along with this.  The biggest thing is that sex is an emotional and spiritual "marriage".  God created us this way, so that when a man and woman make their vows and then consummate that covenant, the two become one flesh.  If you ever wondered why everyone will remember "the first one", this is exactly why.

My pro-column included many things like: no STDs, no unwanted pregnancies, there wouldn't be any basis to compare my future spouse with anyone else...  because the most important sexual organ that we have - is our minds.  Whatever we do before marriage is what we will take into our marriage.  Even looking at pornography!  Don't think for one minute that this is harmless.

Now, think of the most beautiful gift you can give your spouse.  Saving yourself for marriage means that you have remained faithful to your spouse your entire life, even before you knew them.  This is so honorable and attractive.  If your spouse has done this for you as well, how much more can you trust them to remain faithful.  We will know someone is a believer when we see fruit of the Spirit, and one of those fruits is self-control.

Therefore, whether single or married, avoid temptation and stay away from it, as far as possible.  It is not a sin to be tempted, but it is a sin to become obsessed with the idea of it, and most certainly it is a sin to act on it.  Women, we are not exempt!  Not just pornography or watching strip dancing, but even romance novels and movies will lead anyone astray.  One might think that because this is all in the mind and only in one's imagination that it will not be evident.  But besides God knowing about it, it does become obvious in a relationship when the other person is having an emotional affair, even if "the person" is fictitious or unobtainable.  

Lust is a sin, and it will create a division.  Other people can seem far more alluring when you are not around them that much, or they are unobtainable fantasies.  Our minds can so very easily build up people and put them on a pedestal to be worshipped and adored.  This isn't healthy to do that with one's spouse, so it most certainly isn't healthy to do that regarding another person.

A strong prayer life will help us stay on the path of discretion and honor.  I would even put this forward as a healthy challenge.  Instead of just asking God that He remove a certain temptation from our hearts, it is important to confess any sins, even those of the heart.  Then ask God to help us focus on what is pure and honorable.  If we just keep asking God to help us avoid acting on a certain sin, a certain sin, a certain sin... We will remain hyper-focused on that certain sin.  Let's say, for example, that you have a weakness for chocolate, and then you are told NOT to think about chocolate... this will suddenly be all you think about.

We can ask God to help us remain focused on Him, and keep us looking to Him to satisfy us, fulfill us, and complete us, which will bring peace to our heart and mind.  When we are content in the Lord, we will not be so apt to covet the world or think that we are missing out on something.  Even though something wrong looks good or feels good... It helps to know that it is deceptive and only leads to destruction.

In summary, if one is single, in order to find the "right one" for marriage - it is most wise - to NOT be looking!  Live in God's will and work on having a strong relationship with the Lord (so that you know how to work on having a strong relationship with others).  Stay on this path, walking with the Lord, and then if and when someone is walking beside you in the same direction - introduce yourself!

If one is married, not only are we to keep sex within marriage, but God commands us to continue enjoying sex with our spouse.  When we have saved sex for marriage, that saying "sex stops after marriage" does NOT apply, because it's only getting started!  And - it will continue to get better and better and better...  If there are issues at any time (or to read just before your wedding day), there are excellent Christian books like "The Act of Marriage" by Tim and Beverly LaHaye.

Other things that will help in this department is when both spouses desire to please the other.  As well, a strong, healthy relationship with each other is very necessary!  Therefore, continue dating each other.  Treat your spouse as you want to be treated.  Treat your spouse as more important than yourself.  Think about how you are respecting, understanding, serving and encouraging your spouse.  Don't ask what you are getting out of the marriage, but ask yourself what you are putting into the marriage.  Pray together, study the Bible together, or at least discuss with your spouse the things that God has been teaching you.

It takes a lot of work to have a marriage that works, because even when we don't want to, we will still sin, and we will still hurt each other.  When we are wrong, quickly apologize, whether the other person forgives or not.  When the other person is wrong, quickly forgive, whether the other person apologizes or not.  As soon as there are issues, work towards reconciliation.  

All of this requires that we continually keep God and our relationship with Him as our top priority.  And then with His love, strength and wisdom, continue to work on the marriage.