(Song of Solomon 5:8-16)
8 Swear to me, you daughters of Jerusalem,
If you find my beloved,
As to what you will tell him:
For I am lovesick.”
9 “What kind of beloved is your beloved,
O most beautiful among women?
What kind of beloved is your beloved,
That you make us swear in this way?”
10 “My beloved is dazzling and reddish,
Outstanding among ten thousand.
11 His head is like gold, pure gold;
His locks are like clusters of dates
And black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
Beside streams of water,
Bathed in milk,
And perched in their setting.
13 His cheeks are like a bed of balsam,
Banks of herbal spices;
His lips are lilies
Dripping with drops of myrrh.
14 His hands are rods of gold
Set with topaz;
His abdomen is panels of ivory
Covered with sapphires.
15 His thighs are pillars of alabaster
Set on pedestals of pure gold;
His appearance is like Lebanon,
Choice as the cedars.
16 His mouth is full of sweetness.
And he is wholly desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
You daughters of Jerusalem.”
(Song of Solomon 6:1-13)
1 “Where has your beloved gone,
O most beautiful among women?
Where has your beloved turned,
That we may seek him with you?”
2 “My beloved has gone down to his garden,
To the beds of balsam,
To pasture his flock in the gardens
And gather lilies.
TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:
Once again... while this portion of scripture is mainly for spouses, singles can learn from this. Minus the sexual intimacy, the principles can apply to any relationships one might have. As well, when dating or engaged, you can gauge how well the relationship is going, and how it will probably go once you are married.
Continuing on in this love story, remember that Solomon's wife had just turned down Solomon's advances, and then regretted doing so. Her initial search for him did not go so well, which involved a run-in with the guards. So, besides still not thinking straight because she was "lovesick", she would have been extra rattled after being roughed up by the patrolmen. Eventually, she went to her friends for help.
Obviously, asking her girlfriends "to swear" was an over-the-top request, because the women needed to know the reasons as to why they should make such a very serious oath. While they never agreed to swear, they instead asked the wife, like, "Why did you love your husband in the first place, and what has maybe changed?"
BTW, these are excellent questions to ask oneself and/or someone else who is questioning their marital relationship. To remember the reasons why we love someone in the first place will help calm us down, as well as help us put things into perspective. Remember that agape love is a choice, not a feeling! Choose to love, and then enjoy with the heart. So, besides her husband's physical appearance, in verse 5:16, the wife finally mentioned that he was kind and "wholly desirable", and he was her beloved and her friend! So - he was a man of love and integrity!
Had the wife told her friends that Solomon had a mean streak, where he maybe called her names, demeaned her, and/or that he sometimes hit her or threatened to hit her... then their advice would have or should have been very different!
One shouldn't suggest divorce, but definitely one should try to have the person see the wisdom in getting out of the situation (along with the children, if there are any). They should safely get to a very safe place, and then get counselling. At some point, the other spouse needs to be told that there will not be any return - unless and until - they themselves get counseling and demonstrate a change in behavior.
But notice that Solomon's wife didn't give any reason/s as to why she should be angry with him! He had done wrong, or nothing "bad enough" to warrant a story to try to justify her actions. In fact, she was the one who hurt him! And hey, we are all human. We all make mistakes. Therefore, no one can ever promise never to hurt another. Even when we don't want to, we will hurt the ones we love. It's all about how we resolve these issues and move forward together.
I admire the friends for not prying into what actually happened. Perhaps they knew their friend well enough to know that she had a tendency to become overdramatic. Nonetheless, if and when we've done something stupid, we rarely need anyone telling us that, or rubbing it in that we have done something stupid. And hopefully we don't need to be reminded that we should go and confess (apologize) to the person (people) we have hurt! So, these friends skip the lecture!
The friends then asked the wife to logically think through her husband's routines. "Where would he most likely be right now?" I must say, her friends were really good friends! We actually don't hear these women give any advice! But rather, they only asked her questions which helped her calm down, focus, and think through everything so that she could find her husband in order to bring about reconciliation. Wow! This is something that I need to work on!!!
As friends or family, unless there is clear evidence of abuse, we should never take sides! We need to be on the side of the marriage, and give good, biblical advice which will help the marriage. Or, ah, um - think of poignant questions to ask them which will lead them to solid biblical thinking! So, as we truly love someone, we will want them to be happy with the person they love and have married! And therefore, we should definitely love the person they love and have married!
It was also wise of Solomon's wife not to tell her friends what happened... or tried to conjure up a story to justify her actions; because it would have been so very easy to do that. Especially if and when we keep an account of all the wrong things that have been done to us. This is why we need to let our loved ones know when they have hurt us, as soon as possible, and at an appropriate time and place, so that we can have a chance to find understanding, and give the other person a chance to apologize, learn and mature. But whether or not they apologize, we need to forgive, otherwise, we will grow angry and bitter and struggle with hatred.
In the same way, we need to be careful about how we talk about our spouse to others. Not that we should lie, but others do not need to know the negative things that they do. Would we appreciate it if our spouse was talking to friends the same way about us? I think not. And where this becomes dangerous, is that most often, when someone vents and talks badly about their spouse, they rarely go back to those people to talk about how they worked it all out, or how good things are. Therefore, friends and family will only be hearing the negatives, which will lead them to become angry, bitter and hateful towards that spouse! This is so very wrong.
Now, if we really need to talk to someone about a situation involving our spouse, in order to know how to sort it out, we should at least find someone really trustworthy. This person should be on the side of our marriage, as well as someone who will give us solid biblical advice, asking appropriate questions which will lead us towards God's will and wisdom. This type of person will also be praying with us and for us, and then following up with us as to the outcome.
This is the kind of help that will encourage and equip others, so that one will know (hopefully) how to navigate through the next time something happens. And better yet, one will be encouraged and equipped in order to know how to avoid this sort of thing from happening again, or at least less frequently!
Of course, something will happen. There will always be something else that will happen. But there will be less and less drama as we work on our marriages, according to the Lord's will, in His strength, guidance and love.
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