relationships (Song of Solomon 5:2-7) Don't Withhold or Play Games

(Song of Solomon 5:2-7)

2   “I was asleep but my heart was awake.
     A voice! My beloved was knocking:
     ‘Open to me, my sister, my darling,
     My dove, my perfect one!
     For my head is drenched with dew,
     My locks with the dew drops of the night.’
3   I have taken off my dress,
     How can I put it on again?
     I have washed my feet,
     How can I dirty them again?
4   My beloved extended his hand through the opening,
     And my feelings were stirred for him.
5   I arose to open to my beloved;
     And my hands dripped with myrrh,
     And my fingers with drops of myrrh,
     On the handles of the bolt.
6   I opened to my beloved,
     But my beloved had turned away and had gone!
     My heart went out to him as he spoke.
     I searched for him but I did not find him;
     I called him but he did not answer me.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

While this portion of scripture is mainly for spouses, singles can learn from this.  Minus the sexual intimacy, the principles can apply to any relationship one might have.  As well, when dating or engaged, you can gauge how well your relationship is going, and how it will probably go once you are married.

So in the scripture portion above, it is sometime after the wedding and honeymoon.  When Solomon approached his wife's bedroom, she turned him down, even though he was speaking kindly to her.  What we don't know is if Solomon had done anything to hurt or annoy her before this point, because for whatever reason, she refused him.  Eventually regretting her decision, Solomon's wife went to let him in;  but he had already given up, leaving behind myrrh on the door handle as a reminder that he had been there.

There is never an excuse to withhold.  Just like a spouse should never use the threat of divorce, a spouse should never withhold sex as a punishment!  As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:5, "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Instead of withholding, here is the biblical tip to use from Ephesians 4:26, "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger?"  As soon as we know that there is an issue, we should deal with it, ASAP!  First, make sure that we're not reading into something unfairly.  For this, we need to calmly find understanding.  

It is amazing how many issues are due to simple misunderstanding!  "You hurt me when you said 'xxxxx'."  "I didn't say that; I actually said '-----', because..."  "Oh."  "Sorry for the confusion and not being clear."  "Sorry for jumping to conclusions."  Yeah, it's just that easy!  

As well, many issues happen when we make personal desires our goals.  Any desire that is outside of our control should not be considered a goal.  For example, wanting my husband to come home from work and greet me with a hug and a kiss - is a desire.  But I can make it my goal to greet my husband at the door with a hug and a kiss!  

Most certainly, we can and should express our desires to our loved-ones, because they cannot read our minds!  And while it may be disappointing if they don't comply, being angry over that and/or throwing ourselves a pity-party is very unproductive.  This is when we should look at ourselves and consider whether or not we are being loving, kind and desirable, so that our spouse will take notice and look forward to coming home.

Besides actually being slighted by our spouse because of what they have intentionally said or done, there can also be difficult situations which are just how it is or how it's going to be, so a couple has to figure out ways to navigate through it.  For example, a wife might feel neglected because her husband has been working a lot of overtime.  Well, if there is debt, or if a couple is wanting to save up enough money to make a big purchase, the wife (or husband) needs to understand that this is just how it is.  

Now depending on the circumstances, maybe it is up to the husband to find some way to arrange for more one-on-one time with his wife;  like, instead of playing golf, or video games, give your wife some special attention.  Or if the husband truly is wiped-out-tired, leaving very little energy for too much else... maybe the wife needs to get a little creative and surprise the husband with some romantic together-time (without pressure or expectations).  But, if at any time we have hurt our spouse, we need to apologize!  And if our spouse has hurt us, we need to forgive!

There are no shortcuts.  It is all about being humble, selfless and compassionate.  And when both are working on these things, and working on the relationship, the marriage will work.