relationships (Song of Solomon 1:5-17) Communication and Compliments

(Song of Solomon 1:5-17 [-8:14])

5   “I am black and beautiful,
     You daughters of Jerusalem,
     Like the tents of Kedar,
     Like the curtains of Solomon.
6   Do not stare at me because I am dark,
     For the sun has tanned me.
     My mother’s sons were angry with me;
     They made me caretaker of the vineyards,
     But I have not taken care of my own vineyard.
7   Tell me, you whom my soul loves,
     Where do you pasture your flock,
     Where do you have it lie down at noon?
     For why should I be like one who veils herself
     Beside the flocks of your companions?”

8   “If you yourself do not know,
     Most beautiful among women,
     Go out on the trail of the flock,
     And pasture your young goats
     By the tents of the shepherds.

9   “To me, my darling, you are like
     My mare among the chariots of Pharaoh.
10 Your cheeks are delightful with jewelry,
     Your neck with strings of beads.”

11 “We will make for you jewelry of gold
     With beads of silver.”

12 “While the king was at his table,
     My perfume gave forth its fragrance.
13 My beloved is to me a pouch of myrrh
     Which lies all night between my breasts.
14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
     In the vineyards of Engedi.”

15 “How beautiful you are, my darling,
     How beautiful you are!
     Your eyes are like doves.”

16 “How handsome you are, my beloved,
     And so delightful!
     Indeed, our bed is luxuriant!
17 The beams of our house are cedars,
     Our rafters, junipers.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

We are not to be racist or prejudiced!  While we are told in God's word that we are not to be unequally yoked, that is not talking about marrying someone of a different color, race or status... it is saying that a believer should date and marry another believer.  So, no matter what a person looks like, we can and should see the beauty that is on the inside of a person, just as God judges our hearts and not our outward appearances. (Although, FYI, all colors, shapes and sizes are very beautiful!)

We are also not to judge a person based on the struggles that one has come out of, or that one is going through, especially when it was in no way their fault.  Having said that, if there is a person who is always getting into trouble because of their own actions and they refuse to learn from it, this is not the person to date and marry.  But if that person needs and wants help, we can certainly try.  Just make sure that the issues are not above our skillsets.  If they are, then we can help by finding them professional help.  If one is already married to such a person, now one has to work through these things together, and perhaps even with some professional help.  

Well, we don't know the extent or why, but we can see that this woman had suffered at the hands of her half-brothers.  And while she spoke about it, she didn't complain or play the victim.  In the same way, as we go through struggles, these should not become excuses for our own behaviors.  As well, we shouldn't beat ourselves up for going through something, which would be allowing history to define us.  Instead, we can lean on the Lord to get us through struggles, and learn from these experiences.  Forgiving those who hurt us will help us move on, without needing to bitterly speak on and on and on about it, but rather speaking about our struggles in practical ways that can help others, and/or bring about understanding.  We don't have to hide the fact that we are suffering or have suffered, so we should definitely be able to speak to our loved ones about these things, as we are to share one another's burdens.

Keep in mind that nobody can read our minds, not even someone as close to us as our spouse!  So, we see the woman, here, requesting that Solomon take her feelings, time and energy into consideration.  Like, "Don't leave me wandering around, looking like a fool, wondering where you are.  Tell me where to find you."  Not only is it disconcerting, but it can be dangerous when we don't let our loved ones know where we are or where we are going.  Therefore, couples should be considerate, plan things out together, and communicate with each other.

Not only does Solomon tell his betrothed how and where to find him, he also doesn't take her for granted.  While he knows that she knows she is beautiful, he doesn't withhold from her in any way, by complimenting her as well as giving her gifts.  This is not to say that one has to always be lavishing our loved ones with gifts, because that can bring one into debt very quickly.  Each couple should find an acceptable balance and agree on such things.  

Also notice that the woman compliments Solomon.  Even when a person says that they don't need to hear compliments, people actually do like, and need, to hear them now and then.  These should not be fake or manipulative flattery!  There are many loving, thoughtful and sincere ways to compliment and encourage someone.

Another important takeaway from this passage is that a couple should enjoy their time spent together, understanding that their love is founded in the Lord, which is a strong foundation and a pillar of strength for them in their relationship!  Love is based on a decision, not on feelings.  And talking together about the Lord and what He is doing in our personal lives, and in our relationships, should be uplifting and inspirational!