relationships (Proverbs 20:1-30) Those to Avoid or Befriend

(Proverbs 20:1-30)

1   Wine is a mocker, intoxicating drink a brawler,
     And whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise.
2   The terror of a king is like the roaring of a lion;
     One who provokes him to anger forfeits his own life.
3   Avoiding strife is an honor for a person,
     But any fool will quarrel.
4   The lazy one does not plow after the autumn,
     So he begs during the harvest and has nothing.
5   A plan in the heart of a person is like deep water,
     But a person of understanding draws it out.
6   Many a person proclaims his own loyalty,
     But who can find a trustworthy person?
7   A righteous person who walks in his integrity—
     How blessed are his sons after him.
8   A king who sits on the throne of justice 
     Disperses all evil with his eyes.
9   Who can say, “I have cleansed my heart,
     I am pure from my sin”?
10 Differing weights and differing measures,
     Both of them are abominable to the Lord.
11 It is by his deeds that a boy distinguishes himself,
     If his conduct is pure and right.
12 The hearing ear and the seeing eye,
     The Lord has made both of them.
13 Do not love sleep, or you will become poor;
     Open your eyes, and you will be satisfied with food.
14 “Bad, bad,” says the buyer,
     But when he goes his way, then he boasts.
15 There is gold, and an abundance of jewels;
     But lips of knowledge are a more precious thing.
16 Take his garment when he becomes guarantor for a stranger;
     And for foreigners, seize a pledge from him.
17 Bread obtained by a lie is sweet to a person,
     But afterward his mouth will be filled with gravel.
18 Prepare plans by consultation,
     And make war by wise guidance.
19 One who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets;
     Therefore do not associate with a gossip.
20 He who curses his father or his mother,
     His lamp will go out in time of darkness.
21 An inheritance gained in a hurry at the beginning 
     Will not be blessed in the end.
22 Do not say, “I will repay evil”;
     Wait for the Lord, and He will save you.
23 Differing weights are an abomination to the Lord,
     And a false scale is not good.
24 A man’s steps are ordained by the Lord;
     How then can a person understand his way?
25 It is a trap for a person to say carelessly, “It is holy!”
     And after the vows to make inquiry.
26 A wise king scatters the wicked,
     And drives a threshing wheel over them.
27 The spirit of a person is the lamp of the Lord,
     Searching all the innermost parts of his being.
28 Loyalty and truth watch over the king,
     And he upholds his throne by loyalty.
29 The glory of young men is their strength,
     And the honor of old men is their gray hair.
30 Bruising wounds clean away evil,
     And blows cleanse the innermost parts.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

What kind of person we are, and how we live and make decisions, and who we look to for our guidance, will determine what kind of friends and circles of acquaintances we will have.  The verses above give a few examples of things to do, and things not to do in order to have better relationships with others.  While, as believers, we know that as we love God first, we will better be able to show love to others;  we can still forget this very simple principle and approach.  Therefore, God gives us examples of psychology and reasons behind His instructions.

Lack of self-control in all areas of life will certainly create disturbances within our relationships.  This includes everything from uncontrollable anger, to over or under eating, to being promiscuous.  And let's not minimize the problems associated with being addicted to things like playing computer games, gambling or pornography, which will either attract the wrong types of people, give us unrealistic expectations and false perceptions of reality, and/or isolate us from the rest of the world.  But if one adds to all these things the lack of control with drinking or drugs, all issues will become even bigger, since a person's inhibitions are lowered, as well as their capacity to reason.

Provoking anyone who has more strength or authority than us is extremely unwise.  But provoking anyone is still not wise, as well as - just not nice.  And why argue with someone about anything.  Even on a topic that we are concerned about, arguing rarely solves an issue.  Discussions, on the other hand, can be good to have, and are often necessary.  For me, I need to remember to ask for God's wisdom when approaching any topic of conversation, and ask Him if it is even necessary.  And is what I want to say loving and helpful.  I've noticed that some topics can very quickly become contentious.  And even if we lay out our well-reasoned take on things, if the other person is not opened to hearing opposing viewpoints, it is just not worth it.

Also just as dangerous is associating with those who are gossips and slanderers.  If someone is telling juicy stories about someone or news tidbits that sound outrageous, understand that they are only telling you these things to get you to confide with them or get you to overreact in some way.  Don't ever assume that they would never slander or gossip about you.  It's just best to avoid these people, while still being respectful and loving.  And if we find ourselves being "this person", we have to know that this is hurtful to others and ourselves.  Also falling into this category is cursing others, especially our parents, even if they have not been the best of people.  We are also never to seek revenge, with violence or with words.

Standing up for justice, and treating people fairly and with love, will help deal with those people who commit crimes or are struggling with addictions.  The more authority and knowledgeable experience one has, the more good one is able to do, as long as one is able to remain steadfast.  As God-fearing Christians, we will know to rely on the Lord for our guidance.  No one is able to save themselves or make themselves pure, or even determine truth, so we need God's intervention, and continuous nourishment, transformation and help.  

Making and having plans is a good thing, even for those times we have to reconcile a situation within a relationship.  I have found out, both the hard and the easy way, that I need to include God in everything.  Never declare that something, someone or some plan is good or based on truth, until we have done the research.  A plan established on truth will be dependable.  Don't just find one Bible verse that "seems" to fit, but really dig into God's words and keep things in context.

Good questions to ask the Lord are:  Should I do anything in this circumstance?  Is my plan within Your will?  How should I carry out a plan?  If I were on the receiving end of things, would I be receptive?  And then, humble and prepare our heart, asking God for His love, wisdom and strength to proceed.  Sometimes I even require the Lord to motivate me with His courage.  As well, at any point, without sharing anything confidential, we can seek out wise counsel and guidance.

How we plan and carry out plans, and how we live and make decisions based on truth, will demonstrate to others how loyal, trustworthy, dependable and righteous we are.  And these attributes will be found in our homes as well.  With that, one's children will tend to also be level-headed, upright and productive.  

Depending on the Lord doesn't mean that we will never struggle.  As verse 30 alludes to, when we do struggle or suffer, we can learn and become stronger.  It is in calling upon the Lord, He will guide us through our soul-searching and healing process.  All of these experiences will also help us better help others with love and compassion.  Deepening our relationship with the Lord, will help us deepen our relationships with those who will in turn help enrich our lives.