relationships (Genesis 27:1-45) Live God's Truth

(Genesis 27:1-45)  Now it came about, when Isaac was old and his eyes were too dim to see, that he called his older son Esau and said to him, “My son.” And he said to him, “Here I am.” 2 Isaac said, “Behold now, I am old and I do not know the day of my death. 3 Now then, please take your gear, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me; 4 and prepare a savory dish for me such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, so that my soul may bless you before I die.”

5 Rebekah was listening while Isaac spoke to his son Esau. So when Esau went to the field to hunt for game to bring home, 6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Behold, I heard your father speak to your brother Esau, saying, 7 ‘Bring me some game and prepare a savory dish for me, that I may eat, and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death.’ 8 Now therefore, my son, listen to me as I command you. 9 Go now to the flock and bring me two choice young goats from there, that I may prepare them as a savory dish for your father, such as he loves. 10 Then you shall bring it to your father, that he may eat, so that he may bless you before his death.” 11 Jacob answered his mother Rebekah, “Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man and I am a smooth man. 12 Perhaps my father will feel me, then I will be as a deceiver in his sight, and I will bring upon myself a curse and not a blessing.” 13 But his mother said to him, “Your curse be on me, my son; only obey my voice, and go, get them for me.” 14 So he went and got them, and brought them to his mother; and his mother made savory food such as his father loved. 15 Then Rebekah took the best garments of Esau her elder son, which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob her younger son. 16 And she put the skins of the young goats on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck. 17 She also gave the savory food and the bread, which she had made, to her son Jacob.

18 Then he came to his father and said, “My father.” And he said, “Here I am. Who are you, my son?” 19 Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn; I have done as you told me. Get up, please, sit and eat of my game, that you may bless me.” 20 Isaac said to his son, “How is it that you have it so quickly, my son?” And he said, “Because the Lord your God caused it to happen to me.” 21 Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Please come close, that I may feel you, my son, whether you are really my son Esau or not.” 22 So Jacob came close to Isaac his father, and he felt him and said, “The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” 23 He did not recognize him, because his hands were hairy like his brother Esau’s hands; so he blessed him. 24 And he said, “Are you really my son Esau?” And he said, “I am.” 25 So he said, “Bring it to me, and I will eat of my son’s game, that I may bless you.” And he brought it to him, and he ate; he also brought him wine and he drank. 26 Then his father Isaac said to him, “Please come close and kiss me, my son.” 27 So he came close and kissed him; and when he smelled the smell of his garments, he blessed him and said,

     “See, the smell of my son
     Is like the smell of a field which the Lord has blessed;
28 Now may God give you of the dew of heaven,
     And of the fatness of the earth,
     And an abundance of grain and new wine;
29 May peoples serve you,
     And nations bow down to you;
     Be master of your brothers,
     And may your mother’s sons bow down to you.
     Cursed be those who curse you,
     And blessed be those who bless you.”

30 Now it came about, as soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, and Jacob had hardly gone out from the presence of Isaac his father, that Esau his brother came in from his hunting. 31 Then he also made savory food, and brought it to his father; and he said to his father, “Let my father arise and eat of his son’s game, that you may bless me.” 32 Isaac his father said to him, “Who are you?” And he said, “I am your son, your firstborn, Esau.” 33 Then Isaac trembled violently, and said, “Who was he then that hunted game and brought it to me, so that I ate of all of it before you came, and blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed.” 34 When Esau heard the words of his father, he cried out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me, even me also, O my father!” 35 And he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and has taken away your blessing.” 36 Then he said, “Is he not rightly named Jacob, for he has supplanted me these two times? He took away my birthright, and behold, now he has taken away my blessing.” And he said, “Have you not reserved a blessing for me?” 37 But Isaac replied to Esau, “Behold, I have made him your master, and all his relatives I have given to him as servants; and with grain and new wine I have sustained him. Now as for you then, what can I do, my son?” 38 Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father.” So Esau lifted his voice and wept.

39 Then Isaac his father answered and said to him,

     “Behold, away from the fertility of the earth shall be your dwelling,
     And away from the dew of heaven from above.
40 “By your sword you shall live,
     And your brother you shall serve;
     But it shall come about when you become restless,
     That you will break his yoke from your neck.”

41 So Esau bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” 42 Now when the words of her elder son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent and called her younger son Jacob, and said to him, “Behold your brother Esau is consoling himself concerning you by planning to kill you. 43 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice, and arise, flee to Haran, to my brother Laban! 44 Stay with him a few days, until your brother’s fury subsides, 45 until your brother’s anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?”

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

The blessing - a deathbed bequest - was really a verbal contract that was legally binding.  So Jacob and Mommy were not only deceptive, but also thieves.  If one is concerned about appearing to be deceptive while you are doing something deceptive... stop and think!  No one can hide their sins for long.  One lie will lead to another lie and to another... So not "if" but "when" you are caught, the consequences will only be worse.  And there will be some very angry victims!

Now, had Isaac not played favorites, there would have been something left for Esau in the end.  But because his plan was to give nothing to Jacob and absolutely everything to Esau, inadvertently, everything went to Jacob.  It goes to show us that anyone can have a dysfunctional family that makes huge mistakes!  And as we allow "tiny" mistakes to slip by, these will always find a way to grow bigger!

Remember, at the very least Abraham had used "half-lies" about his wife being his sister (still a lie).  Then Isaac used that same lie regarding his wife.  And now Rebekah suggests that Jacob pose as his brother.  There wasn't any need to twist his arm.  He had already fenagled Esau into giving him his birthright!  We don't ever see anyone confessing any of these things as sins.  So when kids see their parents do something wrong and justify their actions, then that must mean "that" is okay, etc. even though EVERYONE knows that lying and stealing are wrong!

Taking our kids to church and Sunday school is excellent!  We are to do this, but don't think that this is all they need in order to be well-equipped for living a Christian life.  A parent's example is very important and hugely influential.  If we just teach them, "Don't do this" but then we do it - they will see us as hypocritical.  They will become disappointed, confused, frustrated, afraid, angry... Our kids are watching us.  Other people are watching us.  And God sees everything.  

God has allowed this information to be in His word so we can learn from other people's bad examples.  Besides His instructions, God has also given us good examples.  King David is one of them.  He still sinned, but when he did, he humbly confessed those sins to reconcile with God.  As David allowed, God worked in and through him so that he could be called "a man after God's own heart."  

It is not about being perfect, because we are not.  It is not about APPEARING to be perfect, because that would be deceptive and a lie.  It is about living God's truth.  It is about striving to follow God's word, and admitting when we are wrong, and going back to God to ask Him for His wisdom and strength, and have Him do things FOR us... because He can do things so much better than we ever could!  As we work on our relationship with God, the relationships around us will be that much better!

relationships (Genesis 26:34-35) Marriage and In-Laws

(Genesis 26:34-35)  When Esau was forty years old he married Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite; 35 and they brought grief to Isaac and Rebekah.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

Yes, it's a short passage today, but there's so much in these two verses!  Esau did a few things wrong here, and the parents allowed Esau's issues to become theirs.  It also would not have helped that the parents still had their favorites.  By Rebekah favoring "the other son" and Isaac favoring Esau they were guaranteed to have extra tension in their own marriage because of that.  Why?  Because they probably disagreed on how to handle Esau's issues. 

Parents need to love their children's spouses and remain supportive and encouraging.  But stay out of their children's marriages.  If and when a child comes to you to complain, you need to encourage them to go back and work things out with their spouse.  If they ask for advice, don't just take your child's side, take their marriage's side.  Advise them to apologize for any wrong they have done, and to forgive their spouse for any wrong doing on their part.  Etc.  But do tell them not to run to Mom and Dad just to complain.  If they still do, remember that there will be two sides to those complaints.  

Understand that the in-law might not be as bad as they are being portrayed.  One might hear about all the problems, but you might not hear from them when things are going well.  Do not make any assumptions.  Although, know the clear signs of abuse.  If there is evidence of some sort of abuse, that's a whole other thing.  Seek out the help and advice of some reputable Christian psychologists, and be wisely supportive.  If it is your child who is being abusive or destructive, do not enable them and/or remain in denial.  You would not be doing anyone any favors.  In fact, you would only be helping to make the issue more difficult.

Now let's look at what Esau's issues were.  We know from previous passages that God meant for a marriage to be between one man and one woman.  And we know from previous passages that we are to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse.  The two become one flesh.  

Having more than one wife means that the second wife is "the adulterous one".  Let's also do the math.  Having more than one spouse, it would be next to impossible to not have favorites, to not have jealousy, to not have competitiveness and game-playing... One can see how this would get very messy and contentious.

Also, God's will is that a believer should marry another believer.  Christianity is unlike all other religions.  For one, it is not "a religion".  It is not about do's and don'ts, and all about having a personal relationship with the Lord.  And also unique, the Lord is to be first in our lives.  Whoever we put first in our lives - is our God - or gods (idols).  Idols or the world's manmade gods or our personal "gods" (whether it be another person, our spouse, our kids, ourselves, career, sports, drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping... what is most important in your life?)  Idols or any other god cannot save us and will only let us down.  

Now, we know that Isaac was a believer, but was Esau a believer?  It doesn't seem like it at this point.  So then, it doesn't much matter who he married!  But their family would have had definite cultural differences from the Hittites.  No where in the Bible does it say that it is wrong to marry someone of a different color or culture.  Just know and be very aware that the more differences there are between the two cultures, there will be extra work to make a marriage work.  Either you are working to combine all the different aspects, or someone is compromising in some way/s.  

Let me just share my personal experiences around this.  My husband and I are actually from the very same culture and share a very similar Christian background - and there were STILL many differences within the small scale "cultures" of our own family homes.  Our daughter married a Christian who came out of a very different culture, so they had to figure out how to settle into a style that worked for them.  

There will be many "cultural" things to work out in any marriage.  So what helps with that?  While dating - DO talk about everything!  What exactly do you believe?  How many kids do you want?  What would be your parenting style?  What if it is not possible to have children?  How do you manage money?  How do you feel about both parents working (or not)?  How would you split the housework?...  

While dating, it is not wrong to have deal-breakers in order to see if a marriage with someone would work.  So what helps with that?  Before dating anyone, get to know who you are.  Pray about it and think through all the things you absolutely require of the other person.  And pray about and think through all the things that would be absolute deal-breakers.  

This isn't "a wish-list" - it should be a list of absolutes!  (Like:  They are a practicing Christian who serves God in some way.  Their doctrinal statement aligns with mine.  They are saving themselves for marriage.  I can see real evidence in their walk with God.  They are responsible in keeping a job and supporting themselves.  They desire to love and respect those whom I love and strive to get along with them...)  

In this way, when you meet someone that seems like they could be good dating-material, get to know them enough first to see if they check all the boxes.  If a person doesn't check off ALL the boxes, then don't even start dating them.  That way, you don't even have to break up with them, because you never started dating.  And DO NOT think that just because they don't check off a few of the boxes right now that you can change them.  Sure, sometimes it can work out, but I can tell you that most often it does not, and in fact, it goes very, very badly.

And may I just add... do not rely on "chemistry".  Real love is a choice.  Feelings are fickle and they come and they go.  Even during marriage.  Therefore find someone to love, who loves you back, using God's love, patience and wisdom.  Then, enjoy with your heart.  

relationships (Genesis 26:26-33) Aim for Peace

(Genesis 26:26-33)  Then Abimelech came to him from Gerar with his adviser Ahuzzath and Phicol the commander of his army. 27 Isaac said to them, “Why have you come to me, since you hate me and have sent me away from you?” 28 They said, “We see plainly that the Lord has been with you; so we said, ‘Let there now be an oath between us, even between you and us, and let us make a covenant with you, 29 that you will do us no harm, just as we have not touched you and have done to you nothing but good and have sent you away in peace. You are now the blessed of the Lord.’” 30 Then he made them a feast, and they ate and drank. 31 In the morning they arose early and exchanged oaths; then Isaac sent them away and they departed from him in peace. 32 Now it came about on the same day, that Isaac’s servants came in and told him about the well which they had dug, and said to him, “We have found water.” 33 So he called it Shibah; therefore the name of the city is Beersheba to this day.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:  

Abraham and Isaac's lies regarding their wives only helped cause unnecessary contentions between them and the Philistines.  Even after we apologize to others for our mistakes, not only might the other party keep tabs of all our wrongdoings, but our own guilt-feelings can linger and cause extra uneasiness in our own lives.  The first peace we need to find in our lives is with the Lord!  This will then help us 'negotiate" peace with those around us.

We see the Philistines approaching Isaac with an, "Ah, whatever" kind of attitude.  Even though they might have hated and feared Isaac, they saw that it would be more to their own benefit to be at peace with him.  This is a good thing.  Even if someone is a known enemy, we should strive to be at peace with everyone, as Isaac was doing right here...

(Romans 12:14-21)  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. 17 Never repay evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all people. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

relationships (Genesis 26:18-25) Dealing With Contentious People

(Genesis 26:18-25)  Then Isaac dug again the wells of water which had been dug in the days of his father Abraham, for the Philistines had stopped them up after the death of Abraham; and he gave them the same names which his father had given them. 19 But when Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and found there a well of flowing water, 20 the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with the herdsmen of Isaac, saying, “The water is ours!” So he named the well Esek, because they contended with him. 21 Then they dug another well, and they quarreled over it too, so he named it Sitnah. 22 He moved away from there and dug another well, and they did not quarrel over it; so he named it Rehoboth, for he said, “At last the Lord has made room for us, and we will be fruitful in the land.”

23 Then he went up from there to Beersheba. 24 The Lord appeared to him the same night and said,

“I am the God of your father Abraham;
Do not fear, for I am with you.
I will bless you, and multiply your descendants,
For the sake of My servant Abraham.”

25 So he built an altar there and called upon the name of the Lord, and pitched his tent there; and there Isaac’s servants dug a well.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

The people of the land had filled up the wells after Abraham had left.  Clearly it was a power-move.  Unless some of the Philistines were going to live there during that time, they would not want anyone else moving into that spot and taking a stand.  Having supply sources is not only about wealth but about power and control.  Therefore when Isaac had the wells re-dug, the people took a stand and continued claiming that the wells were theirs even though they clearly were not.  

It seemed wise for Isaac to simply move on until he found a place where he could live in peace.  Even though he had the wealth to fight them, God had not directed him to do so.  But what does one do when dealing with selfish, unreasonable people?

From all these verses, we should follow Isaac's example.  Know that God is here for us.  Those who trust in the Lord do not need to fear!  Anyone or anything!  Only fear the Lord... and call on Him for help and guidance.  

There are times we need to put emotional and/or physical distance between us and contentious people, especially if there is physical danger.  Although even if it is possible, the answer isn't always to "run".  Moving from one neighborhood to "better" neighborhoods, or church-hopping, or friend-dropping-and-shopping could become an endless habitual cycle of futility.  There are no guarantees or perfect people or perfect places - except for our unchanging Lord and His heavenly home!  Until then, we are aliens on this earth.

As to where we live, be in prayer over this.  Trust God to protect and to equip us with His love, strength and wisdom!  Live as a godly example and show love and kindness to our neighbors!  Wherever we are - that is our mission field.  

As for church.  Read their doctrinal statement.  If it is solid, it is a good church to attend.  If the doctrinal statement ever changed to contradict God's word, then it is time to find a different church.  But when there are issues like squabbles or disagreements, just know that things happen in every church.  This should never justify one's "reason" to church-hop or stop going to church altogether.  Don't judge God according to the behavior of people, and know that God wants us regularly attending church!  Also know that God is faithful and is always working in and through His children.  So always be in prayer for our spiritual leaders and the church body!  Pray for reconciliation and unity!  If personally involved, learn to resolve conflict.  This is part of growing strong, loving and mature relationships.

This same approach can be used with friends and family.  Even with a spouse.  Now, just because a spouse is a Christian, it doesn't mean they are above being abusive and/or violent.   SO - if - a spouse is abusive, or there is the threat of physical abuse - one must safely get out.  If children are involved, get them out.  But do so safely, wisely and as quickly as possible.  Try to consult experts before leaving. This does not go against God's will.  

There are many helplines and safe houses to go to (Christian or not)... because you will require legal advise (especially if children are involved).  Then, once you are in a safe place, before making any other big decisions - get counseling - preferably from well-educated legit Christian psychologists. (Bigger churches with solid doctrinal statements will usually have a list of recommendations and resources.)

If things are not dangerous, but only contentious, don't run away.  Do not be afraid.  Marriage problems will never be resolved apart.  Pray together, then talk and listen.  Don't use words like "always" or "never".  Try to say things like "I feel like" or "it seems like".  When you know you are in the wrong, apologize immediately, whether the other person forgives you or not.  This doesn't say that the other person "wins", it keeps you from becoming self-righteous, stubborn and arrogant.  When someone else is in the wrong, forgive immediately, whether the other person apologizes or not.  This doesn't say that what they did was okay, it keeps you from becoming bitter, angry and afraid.  There is cathartic peace in apologizing and forgiving!

We all win!  When we all give 100%, we all get a 100%. When all parties involved grow closer to God, we all grow closer to each other.  As we pray for love and unity, God answers that prayer and helps us.  And let's be clear, we cannot make anyone else do anything, we can only control ourselves.  And even with that we struggle!  But we can be an example and influence others as we personally continue to call upon the Lord for guidance, strength, love and patience.