relationships (Genesis 26:18-25) Dealing With Contentious People

(Genesis 26:18-25)  Then Isaac dug again the wells of water which had been dug in the days of his father Abraham, for the Philistines had stopped them up after the death of Abraham; and he gave them the same names which his father had given them. 19 But when Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and found there a well of flowing water, 20 the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with the herdsmen of Isaac, saying, “The water is ours!” So he named the well Esek, because they contended with him. 21 Then they dug another well, and they quarreled over it too, so he named it Sitnah. 22 He moved away from there and dug another well, and they did not quarrel over it; so he named it Rehoboth, for he said, “At last the Lord has made room for us, and we will be fruitful in the land.”

23 Then he went up from there to Beersheba. 24 The Lord appeared to him the same night and said,

“I am the God of your father Abraham;
Do not fear, for I am with you.
I will bless you, and multiply your descendants,
For the sake of My servant Abraham.”

25 So he built an altar there and called upon the name of the Lord, and pitched his tent there; and there Isaac’s servants dug a well.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

The people of the land had filled up the wells after Abraham had left.  Clearly it was a power-move.  Unless some of the Philistines were going to live there during that time, they would not want anyone else moving into that spot and taking a stand.  Having supply sources is not only about wealth but about power and control.  Therefore when Isaac had the wells re-dug, the people took a stand and continued claiming that the wells were theirs even though they clearly were not.  

It seemed wise for Isaac to simply move on until he found a place where he could live in peace.  Even though he had the wealth to fight them, God had not directed him to do so.  But what does one do when dealing with selfish, unreasonable people?

From all these verses, we should follow Isaac's example.  Know that God is here for us.  Those who trust in the Lord do not need to fear!  Anyone or anything!  Only fear the Lord... and call on Him for help and guidance.  

There are times we need to put emotional and/or physical distance between us and contentious people, especially if there is physical danger.  Although even if it is possible, the answer isn't always to "run".  Moving from one neighborhood to "better" neighborhoods, or church-hopping, or friend-dropping-and-shopping could become an endless habitual cycle of futility.  There are no guarantees or perfect people or perfect places - except for our unchanging Lord and His heavenly home!  Until then, we are aliens on this earth.

As to where we live, be in prayer over this.  Trust God to protect and to equip us with His love, strength and wisdom!  Live as a godly example and show love and kindness to our neighbors!  Wherever we are - that is our mission field.  

As for church.  Read their doctrinal statement.  If it is solid, it is a good church to attend.  If the doctrinal statement ever changed to contradict God's word, then it is time to find a different church.  But when there are issues like squabbles or disagreements, just know that things happen in every church.  This should never justify one's "reason" to church-hop or stop going to church altogether.  Don't judge God according to the behavior of people, and know that God wants us regularly attending church!  Also know that God is faithful and is always working in and through His children.  So always be in prayer for our spiritual leaders and the church body!  Pray for reconciliation and unity!  If personally involved, learn to resolve conflict.  This is part of growing strong, loving and mature relationships.

This same approach can be used with friends and family.  Even with a spouse.  Now, just because a spouse is a Christian, it doesn't mean they are above being abusive and/or violent.   SO - if - a spouse is abusive, or there is the threat of physical abuse - one must safely get out.  If children are involved, get them out.  But do so safely, wisely and as quickly as possible.  Try to consult experts before leaving. This does not go against God's will.  

There are many helplines and safe houses to go to (Christian or not)... because you will require legal advise (especially if children are involved).  Then, once you are in a safe place, before making any other big decisions - get counseling - preferably from well-educated legit Christian psychologists. (Bigger churches with solid doctrinal statements will usually have a list of recommendations and resources.)

If things are not dangerous, but only contentious, don't run away.  Do not be afraid.  Marriage problems will never be resolved apart.  Pray together, then talk and listen.  Don't use words like "always" or "never".  Try to say things like "I feel like" or "it seems like".  When you know you are in the wrong, apologize immediately, whether the other person forgives you or not.  This doesn't say that the other person "wins", it keeps you from becoming self-righteous, stubborn and arrogant.  When someone else is in the wrong, forgive immediately, whether the other person apologizes or not.  This doesn't say that what they did was okay, it keeps you from becoming bitter, angry and afraid.  There is cathartic peace in apologizing and forgiving!

We all win!  When we all give 100%, we all get a 100%. When all parties involved grow closer to God, we all grow closer to each other.  As we pray for love and unity, God answers that prayer and helps us.  And let's be clear, we cannot make anyone else do anything, we can only control ourselves.  And even with that we struggle!  But we can be an example and influence others as we personally continue to call upon the Lord for guidance, strength, love and patience.