relationships (Proverbs 21:9-31) Calming the Waters of Agitation

(Proverbs 21:9-31)

9   It is better to live on a corner of a roof 
     Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
10 The soul of the wicked desires evil;
     His neighbor is shown no compassion in his eyes.
11 When the scoffer is punished, the naive becomes wise;
     But when the wise is instructed, he receives knowledge.
12 The righteous one considers the house of the wicked,
     Bringing the wicked to ruin.
13 One who shuts his ear to the outcry of the poor 
     Will also call out himself, and not be answered.
14 A gift in secret subdues anger,
     And a bribe in an inside pocket, strong wrath.
15 The exercise of justice is joy for the righteous,
     But terror to those who practice injustice.
16 A person who wanders from the way of understanding 
     Will rest in the assembly of the dead.
17 One who loves pleasure will become a poor person;
     One who loves wine and oil will not become rich.
18 The wicked is a ransom for the righteous,
     And the treacherous is in the place of the upright.
19 It is better to live in a desert land 
     Than with a contentious and irritating woman.
20 There is precious treasure and oil in the home of the wise,
     But a foolish person swallows it up.
21 One who pursues righteousness and loyalty 
     Finds life, righteousness, and honor.
22 A wise person scales the city of the mighty 
     And brings down the stronghold in which they trust.
23 One who guards his mouth and his tongue,
     Guards his soul from troubles.
24 “Proud,” “Arrogant,” “Scoffer,” are his names,
     One who acts with insolent pride.
25 The desire of the lazy one puts him to death,
     For his hands refuse to work;
26 All day long he is craving,
     While the righteous gives and does not hold back.
27 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination,
     How much more when he brings it with evil intent!
28 A false witness will perish,
     But a person who listens will speak forever.
29 A wicked person displays a bold face,
     But as for the upright, he makes his way sure.
30 There is no wisdom, no understanding,
     And no plan against the Lord.
31 The horse is prepared for the day of battle,
     But the victory belongs to the Lord.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

While the prideful, arrogant person speaks and acts out with disrespect, we also need to beware of and avoid the cunning person who pretends to be good.  We cannot judge their hearts, but selfish and evil intentions will eventually show themselves.  People think they can outwit and outthink the Lord, but they cannot.  And although they will put on a bold face to hide what lurks within, those who practice injustice will be afraid when justice is enforced.

Those who are unreasonable and contentious are those who are self-centered and selfish, wanting things their own way.  In turn, this will irritate and infuriate others, causing them to either keep their distance, or take a stand and fight.  "The horse is prepared for the day of battle!"  People tend to keep score on wrongs done.  And then, desiring revenge or retaliation, when pushed to a limit, they will unleash their anger.  But, put two selfish people together who only want to get their own way, there will never be peace.  So when does it end?  And how can we calm the waters of agitation?

To have a household of love, peace and joy requires good intentions toward others, and this starts with ourselves.  The Lord's salvation is the beginning.  And then as we mature in our walk with Him, we will desire to study His word so we can understand and apply His instructions.  Justice (or rules) needed for peace need to be enforced.  Without discipline, delivered with God's love, there will not be peace, joy, or confidence and clarity as to what our purpose and direction should be.  

Part of discipline includes teaching our children (and mentoring others), living by example, and working together in serving one another.  We can either squander and deplete a community's or a household's resources, or we can contribute.  Giving appropriate chores to our kids will teach them not only to help out at home, but it will teach them discipline for when they are old enough to go out and get a job and manage their own household.

Another part of discipline is learning how to manage relationships, friend or foe... the earlier, the better.  It is important to apologize quickly when we have wronged anyone, whether they forgive us or not.  Many people's agitations will be calmed when they hear a well-timed apology.  And it is also important to forgive quickly (in your heart), whether there is an apology or not.  This does not say that what they did was okay, but it is releasing yourself from becoming bitter, hateful and angry.  And when and if they do apologize, be gracious, thank them and let them know that you have forgiven them.  Does this always work towards reconciliation?  Not always, but we will experience an inner peace, knowing that we have done what we can, and that we have done the right things.

If we have found peace and contentment in our own hearts, and work on keeping our hearts humble and selfless, then we can live in peace and unity with others, outside and inside our household.  As we work on loving, building up and encouraging others, we will have an easier time listening patiently, as well as saying the right things at the right time.  Obviously, being in prayer about all of this will help calm troubling situations, as well as help us avoid them altogether.

Now, I have to touch on something.  This love language business!  I know some Christian wrote a book on this topic to help us better understand other people, but I really believe that this has become a bit of a crutch.  Even though verse 14 talks about gifts and bribes calming someone down, the verse is not saying that this is what we should do.  This verse is followed by how we, the righteous, receive joy when we exercise justice.  If a Christian's love language is "gifts", then it should be about giving gifts, not receiving them.  Sure, it's very lovely to receive gifts, but we should not expect or depend on these in order to feel loved.

God loves us.  Period.  And everything good is a gift from God.  He also gives each Christian spiritual gifts for us to use to serve Him, our fellow believers, and others.  And then, when we ask, the Lord fills our hearts and empowers us to use those gifts as needed, to His glory.  So, when God's love is overflowing within our hearts, it will overflow to our family, friends and out into the neighborhood and community... and on and on.  

God's love is unconditional, selfless and compassionate.  Since it is also generous, we will desire to give of ourselves, our time and our finances to help those in need.  It is also about standing up for justice and helping the vulnerable.  As we pursue righteousness and loyalty, we will gain an honorable reputation, because we are part of the solution and not part of the problem.  And because a solution is from the Lord's wisdom, and through the Lord's help and strength, there will be victory!