relationships (Proverbs 15:1-33) Important Conversations

(Proverbs 15:1-33)

1   A gentle answer turns away wrath,
     But a harsh word stirs up anger.
2   The tongue of the wise makes knowledge pleasant,
     But the mouth of fools spouts foolishness.
3   The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
     Watching the evil and the good.
4   A soothing tongue is a tree of life,
     But perversion in it crushes the spirit.
5   A fool rejects his father’s discipline,
     But he who complies with rebuke is sensible.
6   Great wealth is in the house of the righteous,
     But trouble is in the income of the wicked.
7   The lips of the wise spread knowledge,
     But the hearts of fools are not so.
8   The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
     But the prayer of the upright is His delight.
9   The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
     But He loves the one who pursues righteousness.
10 There is severe punishment for one who abandons the way;
     One who hates a rebuke will die.
11 Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the Lord,
     How much more the hearts of mankind!
12 A scoffer does not love one who rebukes him;
     He will not go to the wise.
13 A joyful heart makes a cheerful face,
     But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.
14 The mind of the intelligent seeks knowledge,
     But the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.
15 All the days of the needy are bad,
     But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.
16 Better is a little with the fear of the Lord 
     Than great treasure, and turmoil with the treasure.
17 Better is a portion of vegetables where there is love,
     Than a fattened ox served with hatred.
18 A hot-tempered person stirs up strife,
     But the slow to anger calms a dispute.
19 The way of the lazy one is like a hedge of thorns,
     But the path of the upright is a highway.
20 A wise son makes a father glad,
     But a foolish man despises his mother.
21 Foolishness is joy to one who lacks sense,
     But a person of understanding walks straight.
22 Without consultation, plans are frustrated,
     But with many counselors they succeed.
23 A person has joy in an apt answer,
     And how delightful is a timely word!
24 The path of life leads upward for the wise,
     So that he may keep away from Sheol below.
25 The Lord will tear down the house of the proud,
     But He will set the boundary of the widow.
26 Evil plans are an abomination to the Lord,
     But pleasant words are pure.
27 He who profits illicitly troubles his own house,
     But he who hates bribes will live.
28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer,
     But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
29 The Lord is far from the wicked,
     But He hears the prayer of the righteous.
30 Bright eyes gladden the heart;
     Good news refreshes the bones.
31 One whose ear listens to a life-giving rebuke 
     Will stay among the wise.
32 One who neglects discipline rejects himself,
     But one who listens to a rebuke acquires understanding.
33 The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom,
     And before honor comes humility.

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

It can be very difficult not to react to statements or questions, especially around trigger-topics!  Before I meet up with people, or call family members, even if it is just to catch up, I've been trying to pray!  I pray specifically for the conversations to go well, that God keeps my heart calm and bridles my tongue - and please, please, please give me wisdom!!!  

Reading this passage, I just had an ah-ha moment!  To temper our anger or potential anger, we need to deeply respect and remind ourselves to desire God's way.  It is when we get caught up in wanting our own way in things and then not getting our our way - that we become frustrated and angry - because we've just made it personal.  But if we are wanting to accomplish things God's way in His will, then it all has to do with Him, and He can sort things out!!!  WOW!!!  If only this was in mind last week!!!

Recently, I had two different conversations on the phone.  On the first one, I actually answered a question with calmness, and what I said was perfectly fine... but apparently not for the other end.  They blew up, and all I heard for 30 minutes was contentious yelling.  And I know it wasn't really aimed at me, it was the situation.  

Then a few days later, when I was speaking with someone else, and they asked me the same question, - I - "blew up".  I'm not going to brag and say that my blowup was much calmer... it certainly was impassioned because I've been so sick and tired of not being able to speak my mind on certain things.  THIS is not an excuse, and it was totally unnecessary!!!  Because, of course, there were impassioned reactions from the other side.  And so, for a few minutes, we at least tried to tone it down.

Now listen, there are some topics that are best to avoid if possible, but there will be those discussions which need to happen.  This is when we definitely need God's wisdom and help.  And I really need to remember that I can take my time in responding to statements or in answering questions!  So, within those moments, I should NOT be thinking about how I can cleverly respond, but instead, be asking God to give me the right words!  In in that moment, I can ask Him:

- how can I best respond or answer a question so that it is "pleasant" while still being founded in truth

- should I even respond or answer a question

- or is there maybe a question that I can ask instead

It's very important to remember that it isn't just how we say something, but WHAT we say.  In the past, I've been in several conversations with people (who were caught up in a "Christian" cult, which taught the women to always speak "demurely", or else).  But wow, even when the tone is soft and even-keel, what is said can be very judgmental, manipulative and condescending!  

Yep, in several of those conversations, I fell into the trap of feeling indignation and frustration, and my responses were rude.  I didn't raise my voice much, but what I said was certainly snippy, as well, which only somehow proved a point in the minds of those other women.  I did apologize to them.  But only one of those women apologized to me once she realized her words were not godly, but self-serving.  After that, the two of us were able to move forward in our friendship.   

As for the others, even though I had apologized and they said that they forgave me, they remained stuck in their self-righteousness and simply avoided me.  Somehow they still saw me as an enemy, because they still had an angry gnawing in their gut.  When we experience this feeling, it is wise to do a self-check and see if there are any logs in our own eyes.

Many other things can be said with a soothing-like tongue, but if it isn't godly, it is just as destructive as a tongue that is heated and contentious.  Someone who has grown up respecting and listening to the discipline and instructions of their parents, are more likely to accept discipline and instructions from the Lord, as well as from fellow believers, mentors and spiritual leaders.  

It is always wise to consider the feedback that we get, so that we can apologize if needed, and we can learn and adjust in how and what we do and say.  We should always keep learning and maturing... because until we get to heaven, none of us can claim that we "have arrived".  In fact, the older I get, the more I realize - I need God and His word, MORE and MORE!!!

The more we diligently and humbly live by the Lord's righteousness and wisdom (and not our own self-righteousness and thinking), the "richer" our homelife will be, because it will be filled with the Lord's peace, hope and joy.  Just going through the motions will help our situations to a point, but this will not please the Lord, because those efforts are only being done in one's own strength.  And sin, unrepented or not confessed, will impede our prayers.  The Lord wants us to know Him personally by being born-again (by receiving His gift of forgiveness, salvation and eternal life), to be clothed in His righteousness, and then trust in His perfect guidance, continually relying on His strength and help, and resting in His care, peace, hope and love.  

But wait, there's more!  In walking closely with the Lord, we will experience His joy and goodness in all circumstances.  With this, we will be thankful in all things, which will help us be content in all things, which will help us be gracious and love others.  We can better edify, comfort, encourage and bring healing to others.  And our outlook on life and our attitudes towards others will be different, as the Lord changes us from the inside out.  

The summary is simple.  The most important relationship is with the Lord.  And the most important conversations we can ever have is with the Lord.  And this will help us to have better and healthier relationships and conversations with others.