relationships (Proverbs 11:1-31) Conflict Control

(Proverbs 11:1-31)

1   A false balance is an abomination to the Lord,
     But a just weight is His delight.
2   When pride comes, then comes dishonor;
     But with the humble there is wisdom.
3   The integrity of the upright will guide them,
     But the perversity of the treacherous will destroy them.
4   Riches do not benefit on the day of wrath,
     But righteousness rescues from death.
5   The righteousness of the blameless will smooth his way,
     But the wicked will fall by his own wickedness.
6   The righteousness of the upright will rescue them,
     But the treacherous will be caught by their own greed.
7   When a wicked person dies, his expectation will perish,
     And the hope of strong people perishes.
8   The righteous is rescued from trouble,
     But the wicked takes his place.
9   With his mouth the godless person destroys his neighbor,
     But through knowledge the righteous will be rescued.
10 When things go well for the righteous, the city rejoices,
     And when the wicked perish, there is joyful shouting.
11 By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted,
     But by the mouth of the wicked, it is torn down.
12 One who despises his neighbor lacks sense,
     But a person of understanding keeps silent.
13 One who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets,
     But one who is trustworthy conceals a matter.
14 Where there is no guidance the people fall,
     But in an abundance of counselors there is victory.
15 One who is a guarantor for a stranger will certainly suffer for it,
     But one who hates being a guarantor is secure.
16 A gracious woman attains honor,
     And ruthless men attain riches.
17 A merciful person does himself good,
     But the cruel person does himself harm.
18 A wicked person earns deceptive wages,
     But one who sows righteousness gets a true reward.
19 One who is steadfast in righteousness attains life,
     But one who pursues evil attains his own death.
20 The perverse in heart are an abomination to the Lord,
     But the blameless in their walk are His delight.
21 Be assured, the evil person will not go unpunished,
     But the descendants of the righteous will be rescued.
22 As a ring of gold in a pig’s snout 
     So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.
23 The desire of the righteous is only good,
     But the expectation of the wicked is wrath.
24 There is one who scatters, and yet increases all the more,
     And there is one who withholds what is justly due, 

     and yet it results only in poverty.
25 A generous person will be prosperous,
     And one who gives others plenty of water will himself be given plenty.
26 One who withholds grain, the people will curse him,
     But blessing will be on the head of him who sells it.
27 One who diligently seeks good seeks favor,
     But one who seeks evil, evil will come to him.
28 One who trusts in his riches will fall,
     But the righteous will flourish like the green leaf.
29 One who troubles his own house will inherit wind,
     And the foolish will be servant to the wise-hearted.
30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life,
     And one who is wise gains souls.
31 If the righteous will be repaid on the earth,
     How much more the wicked and the sinner!

TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:

In the recent years, there have been many books and articles written in efforts to shed light on conflict resolution, on how and why conflicts begin, and how we can avoid starting conflicts in the first place.  Well, right here is a book called the Bible, that God has written for all of us, which explains all of this, and more!

The answer to why conflicts begin is easy.  Most people do not like to be controlled, UNLESS they can control the narrative, and have some kind of authority make everyone else comply to their defined narrative, as they see fit.  In other words, it is our sinful nature that fights to control others.  We see this in our families, in society, and around the world, especially in the arenas of money, politics and religion.  Yeah, those three taboo topics we are told to avoid at a dinner party or family reunions!

For conflict resolution, here we are told to let the Lord's righteousness, wisdom and integrity guide us.  And we are to continually rely on the Lord and the knowledge of His instructions to rescue us.  While these answers are very general, they are true, as well as helpful.  We can find many verses throughout the scriptures that give us specifics.  Matthew 18:15-35 is just one example.  But, this particular chapter in Proverbs really focuses in on how we can try to avoid conflicts in the first place.

The topic of money and business is a touchy one, because we all need money to survive, but it can also be the thing that destroys us.  The verses above tell us to be "ruthless", meaning, we are to be shrewd and wise in business and with money.  Most people struggle with this, because they want what they want and they want it now;  and in that, they lack discipline.  Therefore, if one talks about budgeting, saving and investing, people will get jealous, frustrated and angry.  Even when they themselves have asked for advice - they really don't want it.  They want to hear things like, "Keep on doing what you're doing.  Things will just magically turn around for you."  So, I'm learning to just stay quiet on the topic, and if asked, I'm trying to give short, simple answers.  I've got to learn to "read the room"!

Part of being "ruthless" (shrewd and wise) in money and business management includes best practices;  like, avoid being a guarantor, especially for a stranger.  Always assume that if you do this, that money is as good as gone.  Wisdom and shrewdness tells us that we should be fair in business dealings, without cheating anyone out of money, or withholding money owed to anyone, or even withholding products or services that people need to survive.  This should be a no-brainer, yet when a person becomes greedy, they will become deceptive, and begin to cheat and withhold.  Although, it won't take long for people to notice and become angry.  In fact, we are not only to avoid being greedy, we are to practice being gracious to others, which will bring honor.  This is something that people will actually respect.

God tells us that the generous will prosper and be blessed.  What helps us here is to understand that money doesn't save us.  The love of money is the root of all sorts of evil.  If we put money ahead of God, then money becomes our god.  And when we worship money, we will do whatever it takes to get more of it, and not let go of it unless it somehow helps ourselves.  Meanwhile, it is only the Lord's salvation that saves us.  And it is the Lord who provides!  In God's economy, when we are faithful with our money, time and resources, like in tithing and doing good in His righteousness, He rewards us.  Although, the reward/s should not be our motive.  We are told to do and say everything in God's love, in His righteousness.

The topic of politics has become extra touchy these days!!!  In part, because it involves money and how our tax monies are spent.  And also, because many try to wield personal ideals through various policies.  Therefore, politics have become a religion to quite a few people.  Their faith is in the government, and their hope is in humanity that they will somehow either be in total agreement with their preferences, and/or that the government will force everyone to comply.  

That is on the macro-level.  We also find politics within our own communities, be it with work, school, sports, clubs, church, family or friends.  Conflict will arise when people try to find strength in "political" power (in some form or stance of authority).  In personal campaigns to gain power, people will look for weaknesses or secrets to use against others.  People who lack discretion will spread slander and gossip with hopes of destroying anyone who gets in their way.  This act is hatred in motion, inciting others to hate the victim/s as well.  All of this creates a very contentious battleground, which is extremely destructive and polarizing.  Eventually, this will be found out!  The ugly will become obvious, and those people will pay the price, especially in how they will destroy their own reputation.

Creating trouble in already troubled situations, will only bring more trouble and destruction.  The preventative medicine in "politics" is to not play the game of politics, not even at home.  Especially not at home!  With God's love as our motive, and God's strength to lean on, and God's wisdom to guide us, we will treat others as we want to be treated.  We will know when to keep quiet, especially because we will know not to try to manipulate or control anyone.  Showing mercy and kindness to people will help to bring peace and resolution into contentious relationships, which is good for both ourselves as well as others.

So then, on the topic of religion, we know that people need guidance, and purpose in life.  And most people try to find this in various ways, but it is usually in a way that suites their personal preferences, because at the heart of sin is pride.  A sinful heart wants affirmation in whatever one desires and however they get it.  At the same time, it will compare, criticize and judge others, because they want to feel like they are better than others.  Therefore, many find the Bible offensive, because it reveals that we are born with a sinful nature.  And we will be punished for our sins unless we seek and embrace the Lord's forgiveness, salvation and help.  But because of pride, people think they can do it all in their own strength.  And because of greed, selfishness and self-centeredness, people want to do what they want to do, and feel like they are in control.

These are things that we should never practice in the church or in our lives, or it will create conflicts.  Even in how we tell others about the Lord.  We must understand that it is a personal decision for each person to make.  God Himself does not force anyone to love Him or obey Him!  So here as well, our goal should never be to manipulate or control anyone.  We should certainly pray for opportunities to share the good news, with humble hearts, guided by God's wisdom and integrity.  And in the Lord's righteousness, we should desire good outcomes by doing good deeds.  

While we cannot control others, we will still face conflicts.  But God calls us to live in such a way that we are not the ones creating or facilitating conflicts, but rather, in His strength and wisdom, we are the ones helping to bring peace and resolution.