(Genesis 33:1-20) Then Jacob lifted his eyes and looked, and behold, Esau was coming, and four hundred men with him. So he divided the children among Leah and Rachel and the two maids. 2 He put the maids and their children in front, and Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3 But he himself passed on ahead of them and bowed down to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.
4 Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. 5 He lifted his eyes and saw the women and the children, and said, “Who are these with you?” So he said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.” 6 Then the maids came near with their children, and they bowed down. 7 Leah likewise came near with her children, and they bowed down; and afterward Joseph came near with Rachel, and they bowed down. 8 And he said, “What do you mean by all this company which I have met?” And he said, “To find favor in the sight of my lord.” 9 But Esau said, “I have plenty, my brother; let what you have be your own.” 10 Jacob said, “No, please, if now I have found favor in your sight, then take my present from my hand, for I see your face as one sees the face of God, and you have received me favorably. 11 Please take my gift which has been brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me and because I have plenty.” Thus he urged him and he took it.
12 Then Esau said, “Let us take our journey and go, and I will go before you.” 13 But he said to him, “My lord knows that the children are frail and that the flocks and herds which are nursing are a care to me. And if they are driven hard one day, all the flocks will die. 14 Please let my lord pass on before his servant, and I will proceed at my leisure, according to the pace of the cattle that are before me and according to the pace of the children, until I come to my lord at Seir.”
15 Esau said, “Please let me leave with you some of the people who are with me.” But he said, “What need is there? Let me find favor in the sight of my lord.” 16 So Esau returned that day on his way to Seir. 17 Jacob journeyed to Succoth, and built for himself a house and made booths for his livestock; therefore the place is named Succoth.
18 Now Jacob came safely to the city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, when he came from Paddan-aram, and camped before the city. 19 He bought the piece of land where he had pitched his tent from the hand of the sons of Hamor, Shechem’s father, for one hundred pieces of money. 20 Then he erected there an altar and called it El-Elohe-Israel.
TODAY'S THOUGHTS AND MEDITATION:
In some cultures and with some people it is a great insult not to offer help or give a gift to a host or a visitor, even if they say, "Oh this wasn't necessary or expected". As well, in some cultures, it is a great insult to turn down someone's gift or their help when offered, so we see these two brothers bending over backwards to make this reconciliation work. Remember, Jacob did steal from Esau, so this was much more than a "visiting scenario", there was some compensation involved.
At times there can be a fine line between giving and accepting something with strings attached and giving and accepting something with love and grace. So it is helpful to be praying and asking for wisdom in these circumstances in order to do the right thing.
I just quickly looked up the 5 different love languages developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, which are to somehow help marriages work better. While he might be a Christian, he doesn't claim these are biblical. These are the basic ways that people tend to feel that they are loved. The "5 languages" are: receiving gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time and physical touch.
Let's be very clear here, these are the things that people tend to WANT, not the things they use to show their love. NO WHERE in the Bible does it say that we are to expect or demand these things from others! We are not to be selfish or self-centered! Now, with our spouse, what we can do is let them know what we desire, then it is up to them to adjust. But what we need to do always, is focus on how we can show unconditional love. When both spouses give 100%, both will get 100%!
Now let's go over what God says about these "love language" things.
- PHYSICAL TOUCH: please, do hug and kiss your children! Appropriately hug your friends! And within marriage, NEVER withhold!!! But in public, don't be clingy exhibitionists. This only reveals that your love is very insecure. Work out these things in private. (marriages need to apply 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)
- QUALITY TIME: "quality" certainly doesn't have to be about spending lots of money doing things and then having to always top that. And if you are craving a lot of time and/or "big" experiences, be reasonable. Don't selfishly expect your spouse to be late to work, or skip work thinking that "if they really loved me at all" they will. It's interesting how it's usually the wife who wants a lot of expensive experiences but doesn't want her husband to "work so much". (read Proverbs 31)
- WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: please tell your family members that you love them! Every day! And as Christians, we are to be encouraging! Don't test your loved one and wait for them to say it - YOU say it! In that moment, they might need that encouragement and affirmation more than you! (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
- ACTS OF SERVICE: God equips us with spiritual gifts which we are to use to serve! God created us with a purpose to serve Him and others! (Philippians 2:1-7)
- RECEIVING GIFTS: never equate someone's love based on how many gifts they give or how much they spend! And wanting others to give us gifts, is a selfish and insecure expectation! Even with giving gifts... we are not to be doing anything in order to show off, manipulate or "buy" friends. (Luke 6:27-36)
Everything we do should be done in wisdom, with God's love, all to God's glory. So even in wanting to serve others, offering our help is good (if we actually mean it), and if our help is turned down, graciously accept that. Don't be insulted. We might not understand all the reasons. Not even God forces His help onto us! And if we turn down someone else's offer to help, don't set them up to look stupid and then gossip to others about it. If you do want the help, graciously accept it. If you need someone's help, don't be too proud to ask for someone's help.
The key to any giving and accepting of gifts is to be loving, gracious and thankful with others and most importantly with God. I love that Jacob immediately built an altar to the Lord as soon as he bought his land! He had wrestled with the Lord to be blessed, and the Lord came through and helped the reconciliation with his brother to go smoothly. Ultimately, we have to understand that everything we have is because of God. And considering everything the Lord has done for us, is doing for us, and will do for us - the Lord definitely deserves our offerings of gifts, tithes, service, thanks, praise and worship!
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